She's Divorced, Not Dead

Picking up where we left off last week, we’re talking about what it looks like to stay independent and open to dating at the same time. I’m also sharing a few things I really wish someone had told me about dating after divorce, plus answering some of your break-up questions. Hope you enjoy <3

Thank you so much for listening!

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Transcript

Hi. Hello. And welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Wow. You guys loved last week's episode, and I cannot lie.

I did too. I was laughing as I was recording it. So I'm glad that you liked it. We talked about how exhausting it can be to have morals and self respect and an active libido at the same time. Yes.

We did. And before you listen to today's episode, I would listen to last week's because you kinda need that context. This is kind of a part two Because last week, we ended on the fear of kind of opening yourself up to people again and intimacy and opening up your emotional connection and willingness to connect with people. And so today, I wanted to continue and talk about the balance of being independent again while being open to dating or open to making friends, opening yourself up again after everything. I feel like I have jumped into this hyper independence.

And so I'm going to talk about that and kind of the balance of that. And then I'll talk about if I'm talking to anyone right now, some post divorce questions, and things I wish I knew about dating post divorce. I've got a nice list that's coming for you guys as well as the story about my date in Turkey. Yes. I owe you guys that still.

I know I talked about it last episode, and then we just kind of we didn't do it. Instead, we did the mall coffee date, which, yeah, not great. Not great, but that's okay. We live and we learn. And I thought today's episode was necessary because, you know, I'm divorced.

I'm not dead. I was deceased, though, for a few months back, but I'm not. I'm back outside. I'm hiking mountains. I'm traveling solo.

I'm having a European no. European summer. Euro summer 2025. Wait. It's 2025, right, not 2026.

Every every single summer, I think. Oh my gosh. What year is it? Because when the seasons change, I just feel like a completely new person. I'm like, is this a new year?

Am I on a new planet? Am I in a new body with a new mind? It's crazy. It's crazy. But, anyways, next week, I'll be doing a more traveling solo, traveling the world.

Solo as a woman type episode as suggested by many of you. So it'll be a good one. It'll just be about traveling solo and what that is like, how you stay safe, traveling outside of America, all the things. So if you have any questions that you want answered, don't forget to submit them. I will be recording this early, so let me know.

Anyways, back to today's topic. The problem is balance. So how can we choose both peace and passion, just not desperation? Right? I am trying to be independent, but also open.

And so how do we do that? How do we make space for someone without sacrificing our independence? Because being fine alone, I feel perfectly fine alone. But how do you how are you okay being alone, confident being alone, and not build up a wall that's too thick for someone to break through? And I know what you're thinking.

Hannah, you can't do that too soon. Like, there there's nothing that's there's not gonna be anything that's too soon to keep a wall up for a little bit. Does that make sense? Like, you just got out of that. But that being said, I think it's hard because I've said this once and I'll say it again.

I don't want anybody in my life unless they'll actually be a net positive. What can you provide me that I can't already provide myself? Now before you go on saying that sounds a little selfish, Anna, what you're just not gonna be friends or have anyone in your life that isn't gonna benefit you. Listen. All I'm asking, match my energy.

Okay? Be a little bit funny. Be someone I can relax around. If I can relax around you, 10 out of 10. Okay?

It's not that there has to be any exchange of anything, but you you are going to be you are inevitably going to be and turn into the people that you spend the most time around, and I'm done hanging out with people that just drain the life out of me. You know what I mean? And the level of your self worth is the type of person you will attract. So, yeah, I've had pretty not to say that, you know, all my friends in the past whatever years were of low value, they were not. Love all love all my friends over the past several years, but I definitely got mixed in with some people that I would not choose to hang out again and people that I have had to cut out of my life.

And maybe we'll do a best friend breakup type episode. Would that be a good one? I'm sure we all have a difficult best friend breakup story that we'd like to share. So, yeah, I think that that would be something that would be really good because, again, the level of your self worth is the type of person that you will attract. So if you are hanging out at this super low frequency, you are most likely going to attract the same type of people.

And that is a big, big, big, big, big reason why coming out of my separation, I officially separated in October, why I knew, okay, Hannah. You gotta take at least six months and be on your own and figure out who you are and stand on your own two feet. Because this is actually some advice that a lawyer gave me. They told me they said, Hannah, the last thing that you should do is date. The biggest thing I want you to be wary of are essentially men out there that are predatorial.

They said you have a big heart, and people who can recognize that really quickly will latch on to you and they will take advantage of you. And they are only able to take advantage of you with your permission. And, you know me, I, my permission level was essentially you just have to have all your teeth. Just kidding. I just really my self worth was on the floor, and I knew that the type of love that I want in my life from friends and partners or whatever is it has to be something not partners, a partner.

I am a monogamous type person, 100000%. I just after I said that, I was like, wait a minute. That sounds really weird. But no. Anyways, I just I I knew.

I knew that I was not in the place to attract anything that would be good for me. And that's because I it's because of million reasons, as you know. I don't really need to get into it. But yeah. So how how are you able to how can you crave softness in life in a season of independence and of strength?

Because I know I'm not the only one out here who has gone through a recent breakup or divorce. There's so many of us that have gone through this. Or friendship breakup or family where you've had to draw new boundaries. It's okay to still crave living a soft life while you have to be strong and while you're gaining your independence. And that's something that I have been really grateful to experience.

And a few ways that I have created more softness in my life is, number one, allowing myself to sleep in and not necessarily sleep in, like, you know, ten, eleven, 12, but to just allow my body to take the rest that it needs instead of guilt tripping myself that I need to be up at a specific time and I need to blur this alarm. I know I've told you guys a 100,000 times, but I didn't set an alarm from, I don't know, October to March probably. And I would just wake up when my eyes opened. I know that that's actually something that not a lot of people can do because of schedules and work. But I guess I work from home and I work for myself, so I guess that's why I could do that.

Maybe that tip is actually not so helpful for anybody other than myself, but that helped create softness in my mornings as to where I didn't feel an incredible amount of anxiety of, oh my gosh, I haven't accomplished this, this, and this. And, actually, I did still feel that for a little bit, and I had to to kind of train myself out of that. I also allowed myself to I gave myself permission to not do the dishes immediately. I know this is something I've mentioned before, but I got into such a weird headspace where everything needed to be all cleaned up in order for me to feel like I could relax. And a big thing for that was the dishes.

And so over the last six months, I have relaxed immensely. As to where if I'm rushing somewhere and I just barely ate my food, I don't have a heart attack if I put my dishes in the sink. And it's not other people doing it, it's me. And that is a really, really, really good thing for me. And I know that might not sound like a big deal.

But when your internal monologue is constantly going at the rate of, oh my goodness, you are a POS or you're so lazy. Why can't you do anything right? What you can't even keep the dishes clean. Or let's say, I forget to hang up my laundry instead of guilt tripping myself and telling myself, oh my gosh, You are so dumb and lazy. How could you forget that?

You've had all day. You know what I'm saying? Really just changing the way that I talk to myself and to stop treating yourself like a machine. And, oh my goodness. You know what's crazy?

This is going to be a side rant. So these guys that I was talking about in my last episode, just the weirdness of, you know, you could be talking to them, you could be telling them exactly what you want, and they're not gonna be listening to you because they are just listening for what they want to hear. Kinda like when that guy was like, okay. So what do you want out of a relationship? And then I told him, and then he went on to say what he said.

You have to listen to the podcast. I can't just say it out loud right now. But there just seems to be a lack of emotional intelligence. Wow, Anna. Like, we didn't know this.

But I truly think that a lack of empathy and a lack of emotional intelligence creates the lack of connection. You can't have connection without empathy and emotional intelligence. And, you know, all these guys are reading all these books about, you know, this is 15 ways to become a top leader and blah blah blah, and it's lonely at the top and blah blah blah. And now there's this male lonely epidemic loneliness epidemic. And it's like well, you're reading all these books that say it's lonely at the top.

You're reading all these hustle at 4AM in the morning, and you're a POS if you don't do the same thing every day and treat yourself like a machine. Sit down. Stop treating yourself like a machine. Read a fantasy book. Read anything fiction.

No more of these self help books. Okay? It's time for everybody in the world to learn to read Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. It's time to read about community and heroism, integrity, compassion, being a part of something bigger than yourself, putting yourself in someone else's shoes. You know what I'm saying?

Let's add to this let's add to these personalities. Okay? Let's add to it. There's other ways to add to your personality other than trauma. Okay?

Believe me, You can read a million books, and it just will get better and better and better. So I don't know. I don't know even know what I was talking about before this. But, again, in my opinion, having a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence creates a lack of connection. It makes you feel unheard, unappreciated, and unloved at the end of the day.

And how can you open yourself up or feel comfortable with someone if you don't have that emotional safety? So that is my advice to all these guys on these dating apps that are for sure not listening to this podcast episode, but go read anything fiction. It's good for you. It's good for you. And if anyone's listening to this episode right now and you're like, oh, I don't ever read fiction, go read some fiction.

Even if it's historical fiction, it just let your mind relax. Okay? We are not machines, and this is something that I have been teaching myself even amidst an incredibly disciplined time of my life. You know, I'm only a week and a few days out from my next bodybuilding show, And, actually, my biggest bodybuilding show that I've ever done in my life is next weekend. It's a national show.

And even though that's the case, I still feel so much more feminine and so much softer and peaceful than I ever had, even though technically I should be feeling all, you know, hard and and, tough and all these things. And, of course, yeah, I do feel tough in the gym, and I do feel strong in the gym and and such, and that's great. But there's a time and a place, and I feel so good that I do feel like I can relax and take a breath and all the things. Who knows? Maybe that doesn't make any sense.

But now let's move on for the post divorce curiosity segment. Mhmm. So these are some questions that you guys wanted to know. This one says, are you afraid of getting attached again? And the answer to that, very short answer is yes.

I talked about this a lot in the last episode. I don't understand how people are out here being intimate with everybody and not immediately creating an emotional attachment to them. Because, again, the only person that I've had that with was my ex husband. And so how are people so casual? How are people so casual?

And I'm not saying that I need to be casual. I I don't think it I will ever be someone who is casual. I really don't. That's not really my personality. I know.

I know that I told you about that, like, experience that I had at the mall, but that's, like, level one out of 10. You know what I mean? Very, very, very low risk. There were zero feelings that were made for that individual at that time. In fact, negative feelings occurred.

Not negative, but, like like, a negative three. You know what I mean? A negative three out of 10. Like, you would have to work yourself back in order to get to ground zero after that experience. So, yeah, the attachment and being afraid of something like that is really strong, and I think that's why I'm very resistant to any sort of relationship right now.

I also yeah. It's the problem of me loving my independence. And I don't think that that's actually a problem. I think that it makes sense because coming from my perspective, I've been with someone since I was 16. So not a single decision that I've made in the past eleven years has been primarily for myself.

And this has actually made me feel kinda selfish at times. It's really, really, really, really, really strange. I've kind of felt guilty about these feelings of feeling selfish, but, like, I'm doing something wrong by choosing where I wanna live or if I want to move or where I want to eat or what I wanna wear. I don't know. It's been so weird, and I've had to teach myself not to feel guilty about it.

That's actually something that I wish that someone would have told me about what happens after you get a divorce or dating after you get a divorce is you might be surprised by your feelings and to not feel guilty for it. You know what I'm saying? So yeah. Next question. Are you still grieving your old relationship even while dating?

This one this one is a hard one. Oh, man. Look at you guys coming in strong. I would say I don't necessarily grieve. I don't know.

I feel like I'm I feel like grief is very interesting, and it can be its own it's honestly its own episode because I could talk about it forever. Grief doesn't ever get smaller. You simply grow around it, and it might become a little bit dull at times. And then suddenly, it lights back up and the lights are flashing and all the things, and it's just and all the things. And it's just something that's it's always unexpected is what I would say.

That's all I would say is grief after divorce is always unexpected. And so, yeah, there's been times where I have thought, oh my goodness. This is so strange. I just I miss when I didn't have to, you know, explain this part of myself to somebody because there's really hard parts about my life and and myself and everything that I don't love having to share or explain. And I just it doesn't make me excited to have to eventually one day open up myself and those parts of myself to someone.

Does that make sense? I don't know. I think the deep rooted fear of that is that, you know, you're too broken to love or you're too damaged to be cared about and that someone will not want to accept you with open arms. And I know that that's not necessarily true. It's also not my concern right now.

Okay? I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't need somebody to do that right now. But, you know, you know what I mean. You know what I mean?

It's just I think the interesting part about dating is we hear this all the time. It's so surface level. I used to be a wife, and now you're asking me what I like to do for fun. What? I I pay a mortgage for my house back in Utah, and you're asking me if I wanna split the bill.

Okay. Sure. I'm just not gonna talk to you again because this is a coffee. No. I'm just kidding.

He did pay for the coffee. But you know what I mean? It's just things feel so weird and, like, I've never had to think about that before. And it's just things that you've never had to think about. And it's just very weird, very strange.

So, yeah, Hannah, I guess welcome to the real world. This one says, have you ever had the urge to call or text your ex now that you're dating again? That's gonna be a hard and fast. Nope. I I mean, again, I don't you know, things can never go it's it's not something that's ever going to be a thing ever again, and it's like, why why rehash the past?

Why to anyone who has wanted to do this, I guess, maybe I'll speak to you. Maybe someone submitted this because they wanna do it. There's a reason why things ended. There's a reason why you're not together. And even if you don't know the reason, even if you're still wanting closure and maybe that's why you want to text them, there is peace in not knowing.

There is peace in not knowing what they're up to, in not knowing the reasons behind they did what they did or the reasons behind your breakup or your divorce or why things happen the way that they did and or why people reacted or the behaviors. You know what I mean? There's peace in not knowing. And so that just kinda takes away any and all urge for me is I'm not interested in opening up any old wounds, but, you know, I'm always open to, you know, communication if it needs to happen. I mean, I still share my doggo, but yeah.

Okay. Moving forward. Does anyone feel safe to you yet? This this is actually I have to I have to tell you. Yeah.

Mhmm. I'll talk about it in just a second. Okay? But yeah. Anyways, next question.

What are you doing differently this time around? Oh, what am I doing differently this time around? Well, this time around, I'm twelve years older and wiser too. I'm not going through my parents' divorce as a teen. I make my own money.

I have my own car. I can buy my own clothes. I am very independent. This is, like, basic things that people do when they're 18. But, yeah, essentially, I am my own human, and I stand on my own two feet.

And I think that that is so important to do and to have before you enter any sort of relationship in order to even give the other person a fighting chance at the relationship too because it takes two of you. You know what I'm saying? And it's definitely important to know who you are before getting into anything, kinda like what I said about the frequency that you're on. If your self worth is on the floor, you're going to attract people that will take advantage of it. But if it's not, then anyone who isn't will just bounce right off of you, Kinda like mall mall guy.

What is that show called? The mall cop mall cop? We gotta name we gotta name that that guy something. Mall guy? Are we just gonna call him that?

Coffee mall? Mall coffee? I can't I can't continue into the date and create names that way because it's a little bit too inappropriate, but you know what I mean. Okay. This next one says, what do you miss about being a in a relationship and what do you not miss?

Probably something that I miss about being in a relationship is that is how someone just knows you. They know you all around, and they know your flaws. They know your good things, your bad things. They know they just know you, and it can feel really good being known. I think being seen is different.

I think it takes different. It's it's completely different to feel seen by somebody. But being known, you know, is really nice, and that's why lifelong friends feel so good and so important. But then to answer the question and what do you not miss, it's kind of the same thing. I feel very free to not to essentially be able to meet people that I meet without having all of the all of those things.

Does that make sense? Because I am a completely different person than I was when I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty one, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28. You know what I mean? And so I can be myself and who I am today, and that is really freeing. Does that make sense?

I don't know. I don't know if that makes sense. But yeah. The next question was, why did you and your husband separate? Waiting for the rest of this question because that's not the only part.

Okay. Why did you and your husband separate? How are you dealing with the divorce? So I think I've said this before, but I don't see myself sharing why we separated anytime soon. I definitely don't want to regret anything.

And I know that if I speak too much or if I share too much, that I would probably regret sharing things. So out of respect for the other person and myself and the situation, I'm not ready to do that just yet. Maybe there will be details I share later. The whole story will never be shared, but I have I would love to know why you think I got a divorce. I would love to know why you think I got a divorce because you know what?

I hear new reason every time I talk to somebody. Every time I talk to someone, they're like, oh, yeah. I heard that you got a divorce because of blah blah blah. And I just I cannot. I usually die laughing or my jaw hits the ground.

And it's actually really, really, really entertaining. So I would love to know why do you think what did you hear? What's the reason you heard that I got a divorce? And maybe I will read them off during one of my next weekly Friday recaps or next episode and rate them one to 10 on how accurate they are because they are some of them are actually they actually blow my mind. Can I dispel one for you right now?

Is this messy? Am I being messy by doing this? I just okay. This is one of them. I heard when I heard this, I my jaw was on the floor.

I heard that I got a divorce because my ex wanted to join the Mormon church, and I didn't. Yeah. That one that one threw me for a loop. I was I was so surprised. I thought, what on earth?

What? And this is not to say that that's something that my ex said. I have, honestly, have no idea what my ex is saying. I mean, that's not true. I've heard a few things, but I I don't know.

This is not me saying that anyone said anything. All I know is that it got back to me, that that's why I got it. Is that is that that that's why I got a divorce is because I did not want to go back to church and that he did. And that was insane to me. You wanna know why?

Here's the reason why. I talked about this before in another podcast episode, so it's not that big of a deal. My ex left the church before I did, and we were on a huge do not speak about it type level where I was so upset that they had left the church because it was only two months after we got sealed in the temple. This is a really big deal for anyone who doesn't know. Essentially, when you decide to leave the church after you're sealed in the temple, you are choosing, quote, unquote, choosing to not have a forever family and to not be with that person forever.

Little did I know there's, you know, a little bit more nuance to why you would leave the church, and I respect the reasons as to why this person left and whatnot. And then look at me. I ended up leaving one year later, but we were on a very strict do not talk about it type thing because we could not agree on anything. And I didn't wanna hear it. I didn't want to hear why they were leaving.

I didn't want to know why. I didn't want to hear anything. I wanted whatever happened to be my decision and whatnot. I mean, you guys, I was distraught. I was so distraught.

I was looking up on my phone, can mixed faith marriages work? What am I gonna do? Am I gonna go to hell? How I will how will I be with my family forever? It was really, really, really, really a difficult time, but, you know, we got through it until we got a divorce.

But, no, religion, I there was definitely there was definitely nothing with going back to church or anything like that that was involved in our separation. That oh, man. So, yeah, if you have anything that you've heard, I would love to know. Maybe I'll share it. Maybe I'll rate it on a scale of one to 10 of how funny and or accurate it is.

But to answer that other part of the question, how are you dealing with divorce? Yeah. I guess now I can jump into, you know, like, the things I wish someone would have told me about getting a divorce, specifically dating. I am going to do a everything that I've learned in the year of 2025 episode that will probably more touch on those on those topics of just the things that I've learned in general after divorce. I don't know.

Are you guys sick of this? I'm not. You know, I there really was a time where I never thought I would talk about it ever again. But, hey, this is my life, so I'm talking about it. So here are some things that I wish someone would have told me about dating after getting a divorce.

Number one, you might be surprised by your feelings and don't feel guilty for it. Can I tell you a secret? This is a big one. I 100% thought that I was asexual. Mhmm.

Yep. Take that as you will. I just thought, okay. Maybe it's just something I developed. Maybe it's just something that I'm not gonna be into anymore.

Maybe it's just, like, my trial to get through in life is that I just, like, it's just, like, whatever. Like, I was so accepted. I just accepted it. I thought, okay. I might be alone forever because this isn't something that I'm interested in, and I can't ever feel that way until I wasn't.

And, yeah, I just that's all the details I'll give. I was literally just like, dang. That sucks for me. But good thing good news. That's not the case as I explained in my last episode.

I yeah. I mean, freaking heck. Like, still got hormones apparently. I yeah. It's good for me to know.

Hannah is not asexual like she thought that she might have might have been. And, yeah, you might feel guilty for feeling that way, for feeling, you know, new feelings of, oh my goodness. I kinda want maybe I wanna kiss them or, oh my gosh. I'm actually attracted to this person. It felt really, really, really, really weird, really strange to compliment a guy.

This felt like I was jumping off a cliff to compliment a guy and to call him handsome. Holy cow. Oh my goodness. I can't even explain it to you. Imagine you're with someone for over eleven years, and then you go well, you're divorced and you're separated for, you know, like, seven, eight months, whatever.

And then you call someone else handsome, or you're, like, actually looking and thinking of people outside of your ex as being attractive. Because I never did that. My eyes truly never ever swayed, not even with actors. Like, you could ask me, oh, Hannah, who was your who was your pass, your hall pass? Didn't have one.

I don't know. It's just something where it's like, I am so monogamous where it's like, okay. Yeah. For sure, they are a society societably societably, not a word, a culturally attractive person. Sure.

That doesn't mean a single thing to me. It doesn't mean a single thing. But actually being attracted to somebody, I was shocked. I was shocked by, feeling guilty for that. But, hey, there's only one way to, I guess, to figure it out, and that's just to go through it, I guess.

Okay. Second thing is I wish someone told me that being ready to date isn't a a switch that you flip overnight. It is a super, super, super slow moving snail. Oh my goodness. Okay.

I might as well tell you this now. So I definitely you had asked earlier, not you, but someone had asked earlier if there's anyone I feel safe with. And, yeah, it's definitely that person that I told you guys about a few episodes back when I talked about dating. I think I talked about dating back in March. So if you haven't listened to it, listen to that episode.

But, yeah, that person that I went on my very first date with, I'm still talking to. Mhmm. Yep. That is right. It's isn't that weird?

I don't know. It's weird. May or may, you know, not still be in communication with them. And I don't know. I can't really explain even how that's possible because I look back on my life.

I don't actually wanna look back on my life right now. But one year ago today, how how am I where I am now? Where I'm literally talking speaking to another person of the opposite sex. Like, that's just freaking weird. But I don't know.

It's just crazy. I can't believe that I'm saying that I'm even speaking to another person. But I can't explain how good of a person they are and kind and sweet and just calm and I don't know. They just make me feel really comfortable and safe to be myself, and I don't really have to show up in any sort of way or worry about I don't know. What what what's an example?

How nice I look because I know that they always think that I look nice. And, again, my concern is that I'm not wanting to do the same thing that I did the last time that I got into a relationship, and that is to commit myself to the first person that I date. Mentally, I can't do that. So yep. I don't know.

I'll have to keep you guys updated on that part of my life because that's a mental block that I have. And not that I'm looking to commit or this person wants me to do anything like that. Like, we're just chilling and talking, and I really care about them. They're a great person. And so I don't know.

Yeah. I'll keep you guys updated, Maybe. I think I told you that I need to keep certain things in my life private, and I think that that's probably one of them for now. But, again, don't have a boyfriend, but, yeah, I've been talking to that person consistently. And if I remember about dating apps for more than one night a month, then I will jump back on those.

And I think it'd be very healthy for me to do that. It just feels risky. Feels risky because of the experiences that I've had thus far. Because another thing I wish someone would have warned me is that dating apps are basically the adult version of a bad garage sale. Just like lots of stuff you don't want.

You're trying not to get scammed. There's some people that think that they're, like, real hidden gems. There's people on there that are not really hiding their gems. They're yeah. You know what I'm saying?

It's just like, oh my goodness. What is going on? And that leads me to the next one. It I wish that someone would have told me that it's totally normal to have a what the hell am I doing panic attack just in the middle of a date, in the middle of just honestly life because I've had a million of those since my divorce. But I have had a few of these experiences where I go to the bathroom, and I'm, like, kinda start freaking out.

And I'm, like, Hannah, what is going on? How are we here? And it's like your brain just has to process how crazy different life is. Because you think about it, I was on a single trajectory since I was 16 since I was 16. With one, two, three, maybe five goals in mind with this person.

You know, get married, start a business together, have a family, be happy. That was the trajectory that I was on. And now my first thought is not get married. Do I even wanna get married again? Oh, that's a whole other topic for another time.

But, yeah, it's really easy to kind of have small, little, weird panic attacks and think, oh my gosh. What is going on? What are you doing? Oh my goodness. You already know.

But, yeah, it's completely normal. You just have to smile and wave and nod and just give yourself the confidence to keep on going. Okay. Next one is that it's okay to ghost people. You don't need to over explain yourself.

Like, tell me why after that mall date, I was texting back and forth with them after they were stalking me. Why did I do that? There it doesn't make any sense. I should have just blocked them. Don't over explain yourself.

Don't over explain yourself. Oh, number two, do not give them your last name. Don't give them your Instagram. None of those things. At least that's that's my rule as of right now.

And then the last one, it's okay to be picky. Don't treat your standards like they have an expiration date. Okay? If they can't appreciate obsessions and your loves and your wants and your needs, then onto the next. Alright?

Like I said in the last episode, I know that I don't need to be perfectly healed to date. Right? In fact, one thing that I've learned through, you know, talking to these other people and this person is when you develop new relationships, new friendships, they can really actually help you heal. And I'm not saying, you know, treat people like they're stepping stones or they're just, you know, another part of your healing journey and they're, you know, on to the next because I don't believe in that. I just mean that people can really show you the characteristics in yourself that are really, really, really good and special and unique.

And then you get to see that in other people too, and you are shown characteristics in people that you want and love and need. And it can just teach you so much, and that's one thing that I've been learning a lot. And I have heard that from a lot of people is that, you know, when you when you're alone, of course, it's so easy to feel like, oh my gosh. Yes. I'm healed.

Life is great. Life is so easy. I have learned all my lessons and healed all my traumas and this and this and that, but you don't actually truly know until you get in a relationship with someone. Because, of course, it's easy to live on your own. I mean, maybe it's not.

I actually I actually don't agree with that. I think it does take a lot to be able to be comfortable living on your own and to be happy in your own solitude and to feel peace being on your own and be able to, for example, yeah, travel on your own and to feel okay feeling a little bit lonely and not having to resort to other people or drugs or things to fill that with. Does that make sense? I don't know. I don't know.

I just think that healing makes you overall pickier. Not because you're high maintenance, but because you have a higher awareness. You know, you have a higher awareness of what you're willing and not willing to put up with because you know yourself better. And that's why that's why you have to have self love. Because if you don't have self love, you don't really know yourself.

Because I am fully convinced that every single one of you, if you're struggling with self love out there, know that every single one of you, you have somebody in your life that it that truly loves you with everything in their heart, soul, and mind. Whether it's a brother, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, maybe it's an adopted grandparent, maybe it's your mom, your dad, or someone who's a mother like figure, or an uncle like figure, or a cousin, or a friend. I know that there's at least one person in your life that completely and wholly loves you for who you are even though they know all of the deep deepest and darkest parts of you. And they, of course, only want the best of you. That's why people will give us advice that we don't wanna hear, that we know we need to hear sometimes.

So if you could do that for yourself and if you could love yourself back to health, you know, if you could love yourself back to health in your relationships, back to health in your marriage, in your actual, you know, health of your body, what would that look like? You know what I'm saying? And I think that that's really just the goal of healing is to love yourself back into health through your mind, your body, and your soul. And that sounds seriously so corny. Yep.

But that is what I'm that is what I'm ending up on. Okay? I I don't know. I think that for now, I'm very happy single. It's really interesting because I remember in high school, I would hang out with a really close friend of mine, and we would draw pictures for each other of our future husbands and who we liked at the time as our husbands.

And you know what I mean? Just really funny things and drawing our wedding day outfits. And sometimes we would get really discouraged, you know, the ripe age of 15, 16. We would get really discouraged thinking, oh my gosh. We're never going to find our person.

We're never gonna find them, and we would share the other persona. Of course, you will. But for some reason, we ourselves. Like, she didn't believe it, and I didn't believe it for ourselves. Like, that we would actually find somebody.

And I don't know why there's this it's like the pinnacle to not be single and to be in a relationship. It's like, you know, these I mean, obviously, I'm saying this now as someone who's single. But it's almost an affirmation that we are worthy of love by having somebody that's proof of that, of being able to say, look at this. I have a husband or I have a wife. I have a partner.

I am worthy of love because look at them. They chose me and they know me. And that is a lot of weight to not only put on yourself, but to put on somebody else. And I think that it's also really sad because we should be okay with ourselves. We should be okay being able to sit with ourselves and be alone with ourselves.

And at the end of the day, I now feel that, and that makes me feel really happy because I've had to learn that a peaceful life, a life of, hey. It's just Hannah. It's a life that's still a worthy life. Even if no one is currently loving you, you are still living a lovable life, and your life is still full of love. Like I said, my life is full of so much love.

My sisters, my brother, my family, my girlfriends, these are relationships that matter so so much to me. And I'm so grateful because there are so many relationships that have gotten deeper over the experience of losing, you know, of losing one that I thought that I would have forever. And I don't know. I don't know. I know that last week I didn't give you any any conclusion, so I'm going to wrap it all up right now and say, in case no one has ever told you this today, you can be a hoe if you want to, but you also don't have to be.

You can want love. You can also want attention. You can also want to be left alone. And you can want to cuddle someone and then never wanna see him again. You're okay to crave connection and protect your peace, and you can go on a date and still miss your ex.

I don't, but you can. You can miss your ex and know that they weren't right for you. How about that? You can have high standards and still still feel lonely. You can be healing.

And this is so funny. I obviously wrote this down. I said you can still be healing. You can be healing and still feel horny. How is this inspirational?

I'm so sorry. How is that inspirational, Hannah? Okay. We're We're just gonna pretend that I didn't say that. Alright.

Next, you can post selfies for you or for validation or for fun. It doesn't actually matter. You don't have to prove your worth by being perfect or emotionless or easygoing or cool or casual if you're not. And your self respect is not determined by your relationship status. You also do not need to wait to live life until someone else is in love with you because you are already whole even when you're hurting, even when you're waiting, even when you're deep in your maybe I'll just get a vibrator and give up era.

Oh my goodness. I wrote this last week, and I didn't read it again till just barely. So you're welcome. Sorry, mom, or any guys that are listening. Just wanna let you guys know you're doing amazing.

And, yeah, she's divorced. She's not dead. Talk to you guys next week. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Bye.