Surprise... I Moved to Europe!!!

I finally followed my dreams and moved to Europe — not because I have everything figured out, but because I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. In this episode, I’m telling you everything: what led to the decision, why country I picked, what life looks like now, and how I knew I was ready to go. 

I’m answering your questions, sharing what’s surprised me, and talking through the kind of change that doesn’t always look pretty, but feels right. <3 Hope you enjoy, and also, happy 100th episode !!! :')

Thank you so much for listening!

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Chapters

• 3:33 Why I moved
• 7:07 Making difficult decisions
• 10:15 Why did I choose Europe? Am I working?
• 13:55 Differences in Europe vs U.S.
• 16:44 How I Spent $1,560 On A Steak
• 26:57 I Don't Understand Anything
• 32:54 What Not To Bring To Europe
• 34:13 What Is The Process To Bring Crew Over?
• 40:08 How Life Has Been Feeling
• 40:51 Finding A Gym
• 47:13 A Time When I Didn’t Feel Like a Whole Person
• 53:41 Grieving My Past Life
• 57:01 Reflecting On The Past 100 Episodes

Transcript

Hi. Hello, and welcome to the one hundredth episode of the Unrelatable podcast. I cannot believe that we are 100 episodes in. This podcast means a lot to me, and I was telling a friend this the other day. I don't have any specific goals at the moment with this podcast.

You know, I'm not really marketing it. I'm not posting videos and all the things, but I really enjoy doing it. I enjoy staying consistent. And like many things in my life, for example, I guess, we'll use fitness because it's all I can use for examples in my life at the moment. But with fitness, you know, I bolt for several years and I prepared for several years for my last few bodybuilding shows.

And it's kinda like that. It's kinda like the work that I'm doing behind the scenes right now. I'm sure in a few years, it'll pay off. But right now, I'm just focused on having fun and the consistency of it. And I don't really have any immediate plans except for to just hang around a little while longer because this is kind of a passion project for me.

It's something that I really, really, really love. And so thank you so much for for joining me here. I've really, really appreciated it. The listeners, you guys have grown quite a bit in the last few months. And so, yeah, thank you.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing it with your friends and family or on social media. Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts. I am always so, so happy to hear to hear feedback from you guys. And anytime I get a DM about a podcast episode or something that you resonated with, it makes my heart so happy.

And so thank you. I really appreciate it. And now, somehow, this podcast girly over here is, podcasting from from Europe and more specifically from Albania because I have moved to Albania. And before I get into that, I just had to say welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Okay.

I have so many things to share with you. First of all, I moved here on May 15. So I've been here now for a few weeks. And the reason why I didn't share anything about it is because I just wanted a few weeks to settle in without feeling like I had to show up in any certain way according to my own expectations because I know nobody actually expects anything of me, which is kind of nice because I get to show up in the ways that I can and want to. So that has been really, really, really good for me.

And I had also been really consistent leading up to my last few shows on Instagram. So it's just been nice to get settled in because as you can imagine, moving to another country is a little a little bit complicated. So we'll get into that. But, yeah, why why did I move? Well, there are a lot of emotional, mental, and personal factors that led to this decision.

So let's just jump right in. I feel like this decision, it wasn't it was not spontaneous. It has been in the back of my mind my entire life. I mean, even when I was in high school, I had the dream of moving to New York City and nannying. And then I had the dream to move to Europe for a year and travel and backpack and whatnot.

And then most recently, I had hoped to move to Hawaii with my ex, and we were actually very, very, very close to moving there. So close to where crew had all of his shots and everything, and we were a few weeks out from moving, and then we didn't. And so moving far and exploring a new place and all these things has always been something I've wanted to do. And so why not The US? Right?

Why not just move states? Well, your girl has already done that, like, six times. I've lived in six different states. Should we should we list them? Okay.

Let's let's see here. New York, Rochester, New York, Texas, San Antonio, Texas, Corpus Christi, Texas, Illinois, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Manchester, New Hampshire. I've lived in Sacramento, California, and then Asheville, North Carolina, and then Utah. So I live I've lived in eight states, and I've visited almost every corner of America except for Florida. Florida is the only place I have not been.

Not the only place, but you know what I mean. The Southeast area. I mean, I've been to New Orleans and and whatnot. But, anyways, you get the point. I didn't wanna just move stateside, and I do love traveling.

I love being somewhere with people whose language I don't speak. I love exploring. I just I don't know. I love it. I don't know really who does it, but it really was something that I've always wanted to do.

And I kinda just accepted the fact that I wouldn't really be able to, and so I was happy with the traveling that that I got to do. You know? I feel very lucky. I've been able to travel quite a bit in the last few years. And, eventually, as you know, my life kind of fell apart.

And, you know, there's there's a really complicated loneliness that comes from being surrounded by people or places or things that you've built, but you don't recognize yourself inside of it. And you're burnt out on your own survival even if your life looks fine from the outside. My life didn't feel like my life anymore, just kind of, a loop and something that I could not get get out of or really make decisions in. And it was really, really, really difficult for me because I just knew that something was off. And for a long time, I thought, okay.

It's me. I just need to fix myself. I there's so many things wrong with me, and I need to fix this and that. And so I did the therapy, and I did the ketamine treatments, and I have read all the books. And I've worked so hard on personal development, and I built my own business.

You know, I did permanent cosmetics. I was a personal trainer. And then I started doing social media marketing, and I've always worked and worked really hard in my opinion. And I still felt like a broken person, and I still felt like I just couldn't I don't know. I don't I don't know how to explain it, but I just kept thinking that there was something wrong with me.

And I eventually realized that it wasn't necessarily that there was anything wrong with me. It's that my life was not this was not the life that I wanted to live anymore, and this was not the life that was going to work for me. And movement, literally moving, literally and metaphorically, it's the only thing that felt honest and true to myself. And I needed to accept that I knew the change that I needed to go through in my life even if it meant disappointing somebody else if if, you know, I was telling myself the truth. And I ran away from the truth for so long.

I tried to fix it in all the ways that I could think of. And at one very specific point, it was it was made known to me that this choice was inevitable, and it had to happen. It was either gonna happen now or in six months or in a few years. And would I rather make the choice now when I am already broken or in a year or two when, like, I don't even know. I don't even know or even wanna think about it.

But I decided to leave that relationship. And immediately upon leaving, I received the job opportunity to move to Europe, and it just seemed like a no brainer because the move date the moving date was seven months out, and that felt really reasonable to me. I felt like I, for for now, needed to focus on survival and building myself back up and my confidence in healing and being okay again. And I in my mind, having a goal, having a destination of you know, I I will be moving in seven months either way, so let's just give it the best shot that I can. It was really, really, really helpful for me.

So, yeah, what made me choose Europe and what am I doing for work out here? That was one of the one of the questions. And that's one of the reasons why I chose it is because I got a job opportunity. I am doing social media marketing out here for a construction slash architectural company that specializes in sustainability, and I'm very excited about it. Luckily, I'm able to keep my other jobs that I work for in The US.

I just work remotely for them here, which I worked remotely for them in The States. So it doesn't really change anything there. But Albania, if you don't know, my my grandpa is from Albania. So my great grandma, she grew up in Korcha, And I actually went to Korcha Last May and was able to see where my grandma or my great grandma grew up. And I don't know.

It's, you know, it's my motherland, and I feel very at home here. And I didn't feel scared, not not one bit. There's not been a single time over the last seven months with that I've been nervous to move here, and that feels really lucky to me. I don't know if it's because, you know, I visited this country last year, but yeah. So I moved to Albania.

I live in the capital, Tirana, and I'm very, very, very excited about it and happy to be here. I did not move to Turkey. I had a few questions. Congrats on the move. What made you choose Turkey?

I did not choose Turkey. Turkey was a little weekend trip that I did last weekend. And so, yeah, I'll talk about that more. Of course, we gotta talk about the hitchhiking. You know what I mean?

That is something that, that I won't be doing again. Don't don't worry about it. But, yeah, what has surprised me about living here, honestly, there are so many things that have surprised me about living internationally and living in Albania and all of the things. The biggest difference is the daily life things. Like, everything is in kilometers, not miles.

Everything is weighed in grams. And so I have been having the most difficult time tracking my macros out here. Not the most difficult time. It was difficult for maybe two days and while I was in the grocery store because they'll say the serving size for a hundred grams, and then they'll say how many grams is in the package, and then you gotta do the math. I know it's based on hundred grams.

It's not that big of a deal. But then it will say how many servings there are and all the things. So I bought MyFitnessPal Premium. Had to do it. It's so much easier.

Now I can just scan the food package and get it in, and it's actually so nice because I am buying fresh cheese, fresh meat, fresh fruit, and not paying as much as in The US as I was paying for organic foods. So that is really, really, really nice. Another thing I'm not used to, paying for water. Oh my goodness. Drinking from bottled waters, buying water that's in plastic, just buying water.

You can't drink the water here, and so, yeah, you have got to pay for it. And that's kind of all over Europe, especially, you know, when you're yeah. I guess that's something that you should know if you've never traveled out of the country. They're gonna ask you still or sparkling when you ask for water. And I always say still because you know me, I do not like carbonated water.

So unless you want some dusty, sparkling water, say still. Still water is safe water. The other thing that's really different is driving. I do not have a car, and it's actually not that big of a deal. I walk everywhere, and I love it.

My gym is five minutes away. My work is five minutes away. The grocery store is five minutes away, and I live in the city center. So it could not be more convenient of a spot. The park is even a fifteen minute walk, and that goes around a lake, and I truly cannot complain.

When I first moved here, they set me up in this apartment, and they told me that they have a really nice one lined up. They were just getting it furnished. And maybe I'll post the renderings on my story because this place is nice. The only thing is is that it's two kilometers from work and the grocery stores and the gym and the park and the city center. So to get anywhere, I would have to taxi all day.

Day and night, all day, I'd have to taxi. And to me, I'd rather live in the little purple apartment. It's a lavender apartment. I swear everything is lavender. I will have to post my videos of myself walking into my apartment complex.

I think I'll post them on TikTok. And everything's purple. It's hilarious, and it's not, you know, super well furnished or anything. But it is in the best location. It has the best views.

And I don't really care what it looks like because I'm not spending a lot of time inside. And, I mean, I don't know. I think the furniture is cutie. You know what I mean? And I don't have a dishwasher.

That's another thing. I don't have a dishwasher. I do not have a microwave. Oh my gosh. I have been having to heat up all of my food in the oven or on the stovetop, but my stovetop just barely stopped working.

So I literally have been reheating my food in the oven, which I've heard is healthier, but I did request a microwave. So that should be coming soon. That should be coming soon. And then the other thing is money. Of course, money is gonna be different over here.

And if you saw my story the other day, let me just tell you what happened. Let me tell you how I spent $1,560 on a stake. Alright. You ready for this? So I'm looking up on my phone.

Where can I buy 90% lean beef? Because in The States, you know, you can choose your meat based on the leanness. So I have been eating ground turkey for several months now, and I love it. It tastes actually, I don't even wanna say that. Ew.

Did I really just say that? Anyways, I buy 90% lean turkey. The reason why I don't like saying that I love it is because I was vegan as everybody knows. I was vegan. I was vegetarian.

I just started eating meat last year, and I don't like to say that I enjoy it because it still makes me feel bad. But, anyways, I was looking for lean turkey or lean beef or anything lean because I couldn't figure it out in the grocery store. And oftentimes, the clerks or the people working there are older, and the older generation does not know English, but the younger generation typically does. So it really just you never really know if who you're speaking to is gonna understand you or not. And I don't like assuming that they speak my language even though, you know, English is the world's language.

Like, if someone from Italy and someone from France is in Switzerland, they're going to communicate with each other through English. You know what I mean? It's not like that big of a deal. It's the best language to know. But that being said, I could not figure out how to get lean meat.

And so I look up a butcher shop because I'm thinking, okay. If anyone's gonna have it, they will. I find one. It is 09:15PM. Wait.

Is it 09:15? No. No. No. No.

No. It's it's 09:30. It's a twenty minute taxi ride. I'm taking a taxi because it's nighttime, and I'm desperate for this meet because guess what? The very next day, I'm headed out to Turkey, and I need to make sure that I bring all my meals with me.

So I am heading over there in the taxi, which actually, for some weird reason, on this very night, it took me forever to get a taxi. So I was essentially walking the route to the butcher shop and then jumped into a taxi. I get there, and I asked the taxi driver, hey. Do you mind just waiting for me? You know, I'm just gonna be, I don't know, five minutes, ten minutes at the most.

Just gonna pick up some meat. And he's somehow able to understand me, and he says that he'll wait. So I run inside, and this woman doesn't speak a lick of English. So I'm translating things on Google Translate. I'm asking for Angus beef because that ends up being the leanest beef.

She pulls out Angus beef, and I'm like, okay. Do I really want to pay for, like, eight meals worth of steak right now? No. I really don't. So then I ask for a few servings of that and then a few servings of chicken breast.

So she rings me all up and the grand total is $15.60. Sweet, I say. I weep. I weep out. I whip out my AmEx.

And then remember, of course, nobody in Europe takes American Express, so make sure you have a debit card or a credit card, like a Visa credit card because everyone everyone hates AmEx over here. I think it's because AmEx charges I'm sure they charge, like, a big a big card processing fee or something like that for businesses. Anyways, so I take out my Visa. And keep in mind, I had cash on me. I had cash just in case just in case they didn't take card because a lot of places don't take card.

But I only have a thousand dollars in cash, and I'm trying to stretch it as far as I can because I have forgotten the pin to my visa. So I so I can't withdraw any money from the ATM. So currently still working on that. I know it's a simple process. I just haven't gotten to it.

Anyways, so my heart jumps for joy when I see that they take cards. And so she scans the card, hands me my receipt. I'm like, thank you so much. I run and hop in the car. It is 08:59 at this point, and they close at 09:00.

So we start driving, and we're driving along this road. Again, it's a bit busy. There's a bit of traffic. People in Albania, they love to hang out with each other. Everyone is walking on the streets late.

Everyone is going out for some espresso and coffee and water. Like, I can't even describe to you the amount of cafes. There's cafes on every single corner where people just sit and drink a little shot of espresso and then go home in the evening and go to bed. People drink coffee after dinner here and actually a lot of places. I think in Italy in a lot of places, I haven't traveled to enough places to actually know if that's true.

But I'm pretty sure I know it's in Italy and Switzerland and now Albania, obviously, and Bulgaria. So a lot of places. Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Oh, it's because there's tons of people out and about, so there's lots of traffic.

Well, suddenly, I get a notification on my phone. Ding ding ding. What is it? Oh, it's it's my bank, and they say that a grand total of 1,560 US dollars has been withdrawn from my account. Yes, ladies and gentlemen.

Instead of charging me $15, they charged me 1,500. I am my heart immediately dropped. And the crazy thing is is I had just transferred this money to my bank account the day before because I was thinking, okay. I gotta figure out how to withdraw this. I'll transfer it.

And I also didn't know if I had any automatic bills still going through to that to that, savings account or checking account. So I asked the taxider, oh my gosh. Can you please turn around? And he, like, gives a big sigh, and I'm like, don't worry. I'll pay you for your time.

Gives a big sigh, flips around. We get there. It's dark. I'm knocking on the window. Nobody's coming.

I am kind of freaking out because at this point, I'm leaving to Turkey the next day. I don't have time to figure this out. But in my head, I'm thinking, do I just skip Turkey? Do I not go? Because 1,500 is worth way more than, you know, the the flight that I bought to go to Turkey.

That's for sure. So I jump in the car. And luckily, before I had headed out to this butcher shop, I had texted the the business on WhatsApp and had asked them if they had lean beef and turkey. And, of course, they said they did. Well, they didn't.

I don't know if they understood my question, or I'm sure they just I'm sure it is their definition of lean, but they don't have, you know, the 80%, ninety %, whatever. So I text them and I say, hey. You accidentally charged me $1,500. I need a refund, please. Actually, let me pull up the let me pull up the exact conversation because I was dying.

Okay. I said, hello. You charged me $1,560.28. I need a refund, please, with the prayer hands. And then I sent them a picture of the receipt where it, in fact, says, Shuma, one thousand three hundred seventy three euros, which, of course, translates to US dollars.

I, I told them you charged me €1,373, and they said, okay, tomorrow morning. Well, I worked tomorrow morning. And so I let them know, and they said, will you please forgive me? She's a new employee and has not learned anything. And I was like, okay.

Yes. I'm just very worried. I can't come in tomorrow, and I have a flight. Can I come in on Monday? And they essentially had their financial person contact me or their economist, I guess, and it was this whole thing.

I ended up going to them in between my flight and work, and they told me that they needed a specific number from me in order to transfer, this this transfer because it is an international transfer. I forget what it's called, but let's just call it a a star number because it starts with an s. Well, I guess every single country in in Europe has a star number, and that's what you use for these international transfers, every country, except for The United States. So there is one bank in The US, One bank location, Wells Fargo in California, and they have the star number. And they're your only option.

So you can transfer it there, and then they can transfer it to your bank. But then you have to sit on the phone with both of them and figure that out while you're at the bank with this person whose language you do not speak, and they barely speak a lick of English. So I just end up saying I can't do it today. I'm gonna have to do it on Monday because I have a flight. And she was so nice as to where she met up with me with cash two hours later right before my flight.

So guess who has another $1,500 that I can survive on and worry about my Visa card later? I do. So it actually really worked out buying a $1,500 stake. And yeah. Anyways, sorry.

That was such a long story. But, yeah, essentially, let's get back to Albania. So it's pretty safe here. I try not to walk in the evenings, but that being said, I have before, and there are a lot of people that are out and about in the evening times. So I do feel relatively safe, but at the same time, I try not to be out past dark.

Sometimes it happens, though. Sometimes I'm, you know, hurrying back from the market, and it's a five minute walk, but it's not that big of a deal. My coworkers are all so nice. I would say about 70% of them speak very fluent English, and so that's really nice. But the funny thing is is that they all speak Albanian or is called in Albania.

Is not funny or not funny. Sorry. I'm not trying to call it funny, any of my new Albanian friends. It's just different. And, anyways, so they speak, and they speak it to each other, of course, all day long because, of course, they're gonna speak in their native language, and they're not going to be speaking to me in English.

Plus, they are all engineers and architects, and so they're talking about things in which they don't necessarily have a direct English translation for it. And so I'm just kind of chilling there all day long while they're having these conversations, And I'm just, like, smiling. I'm just like, yep. I'm here. And sometimes they'll all start laughing or something, and I'm just, like, chilling, like, hilarious joke.

And then, thankfully, someone will usually explain something to me, but it's just really interesting and a crazy wild experience, and I love it. I love the company. I love the people that I work with. And, I mean, I've only been, you know, there a few weeks. So still very new.

I only work part time because, again, I have my other jobs remote in The States. So, yeah, that's basically that's not everything, but that is a lot of of what's been going on in my life. Packing to get here was a mess. I have packed up my house more times than I can count on both hands. It's actually insane how many times that I've moved.

But what I haven't done is pack up everything to leave the country and need to bring some things in suitcases, And that was very difficult. You know, one of my bags was indeed overweight, and so I had to pay for that. And I pretty much assumed that it would be, but there are a lot of things a lot of things that I did not get to bring, specifically all of my supplements. So, thankfully, you know, I have two more weeks until my thirty day supply runs out. But I still need to buy, you know, protein powder.

I wanna buy some electrolytes and BCAAs. I did buy single use electrolytes that I've been that I've been drinking, but I am unfamiliar with any delivery systems here. I'm like, can I order from Amazon? I think that I can, but I'd asked somebody that. And they said, oh, I don't know if Amazon delivers here.

So I don't think it's a super common thing, and I bet it will be priced high for shipping or something. Again, I wish I could tell you exactly exactly the answer because I have a running list of things that I need to buy that I have not bought yet, and I'm going to read them to you. I even updated it today. So to purchase in Albania, I need a water bottle. I really need a reusable water bottle.

I've I've been using my shaker bottle, and the thing is is I only have one. And I I think that I would really appreciate having one that didn't randomly leak or pop open. So I'm really wanting a reusable water bottle that maybe is collapsible. That kinda sounds convenient, especially going on weekend trips. I also want a key chain for my house key because this house key is just floating around with me wherever I go, and I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that one day, I'll be getting home right before it's dark like I always do, and I will have lost my key, and I can't get into my place. And then I have to ask someone for a help, and I just don't wanna have to do that. The next thing is a desk fan because, guess what, it is not necessarily hot here. I mean, it's been, I don't know, in the seventies. It's been really nice weather recently, but they don't use air conditioning, really.

They just kind of open the window a little bit. And they haven't been opening the window because there's construction happening outside our office. So your girl sits in her office chair, and I just sweat. Because if you don't know if you don't know me, this is the most known fact about Hannah ever is I'm always hot. My body stays at, you know, like, 80 degrees.

80 degrees is where I was born, and it's what my body is at constantly. So if I don't have a draft or cool air coming in automatically, I'm just gonna be hot. So I need a desk fan because people in Bulgaria and Albania culturally believe that if there is a, like, a a wind draft that they're going to get sick. So me, who has to have a draft of some sort or I will die, even in the wintertime, I can't be in a hot room. Oh my gosh.

I need a desk fan. I could probably find that at a local store here. I just need to to walk around and find one. But, anyways, those are the three things that I want. Oh, and a reusable coffee cup, like a a Yeti or something because I did not bring, of course, any kitchen supplies or anything.

The only thing that I brought with me were my clothes, my hair products, did not bring my Dyson because Dyson's only work in the country that you purchase them. I learned that the hard way. I learned that when I brought it all the way to Portugal for a two week trip. Those things are not light, and they take up space. And I couldn't use it.

Not with an adapter, not with anything because plugging it in with an adapter, the voltage of whatever of the places that you're going can fry your device. So if you didn't buy it in The UK, don't bring it to The UK. I've even heard the adapters that are specifically made to help with the voltage that it doesn't work. I read so many Reddit forums. Yeah.

I know. I'm officially nearing my thirties reading these Reddit forums. But, yeah, it's true. Do not bring your Dyson out of the country. So, yeah, I packed everything that I could.

I brought two suitcases, a medium one, a trunk sized one, and then my Patagonia, like, backpacking backpack. Those are the things that I brought, and this leads me to the next question. What's the process to get Crew over? Is it pricey? Crew is my dog.

If you don't know, then hi. Hello. My name's Hannah because he must not know me either. I do not have crew. And this is something that made this decision really, really, really hard.

Don't worry. He's still he's still my dog. He's still I did not rehome him. He is still he's still, you know, he's still there. He's still alive and breathing and happy and healthy, but I will not be bringing him to Europe.

And, again, this was a very difficult decision that I made because I I just do not wanna put him in the bottom in the cargo of any any plane, especially as to where he has anxiety now. He's older. He definitely has been moved around so much. The last thing I wanted to do was move him to a small teeny tiny apartment in Europe and make him sit in the bottom of a plane for, like, twenty hours, and they would have had to transfer him to different flights. And that makes me sick to my stomach.

So I think there are international flights where you can pay, like, $10,000 and have them play in, sorry, have them sit in the cabin with you. But, again, I don't know about, like, cabin pressure and their ears and all the things, and I'm sure I could've put him not put him to sleep, but given him what is that called when you I don't remember what it's called, but you know what I mean. But that's also risky when they're older dogs, and Crew is eight he's eight years old. And so I made the very difficult decision to leave him home, and I left him with my mom, my and my family. So my sisters live there.

My mom's there. He is surrounded by four to five people at all times. He has a dog, a dog named Beau, and he has a full acre to run and stretch his legs. He's taken on a daily walk every single day. There's chickens.

There's so many things. Jeez. I can't cry right now. Yeah. I have spent the last seven months processing that I was going to leave him.

I am only out here for six months as of right now. So in six months, I will be back. This is not a permanent move. But regardless, it has been a really, really, really difficult decision, and I have been processing it over the last seven months and really doing everything and anything that I can with him. We've had so much fun together.

And, yes, I did. You know, it was it was technically an option for my ex to have him, but they cannot have dogs in their apartment. So I also believe this is the best thing for crew because he has a huge house. He has a huge yard. He has lots of people running around.

He has a dog. And I have brought him with me to my mom's house for weeks and weeks and weeks on end. Like, he has been there so much. It's his second home, essentially, so he's really comfortable there. And it's not in the city.

It's very safe and calm and all the things. So he is a happy doggo, and I miss him every day and every night. And, literally, when I came into my room to record this episode, I was shutting the door, and then I, like, opened it because I was like, oh, wait. I need to let crew in here so that he's not alone out there. Because, you know, you gotta shut the door so that you don't have the sound echoing off all the walls.

And then I was like, oh, yeah. Forget. He's not here. And so not gonna cry, but it's been it's something where I've waited. I've tried and tried and tried, and I've waited and waited and waited to do a move like this.

And when if he was younger, you know, if he was in his younger years, anywhere from, like, one to five or six or seven, then I maybe would have considered bringing him and, I forget what it's called when you inject him with a shot and it makes him sleep for a little bit. But I would have considered doing that, if I were if I were moving. But the fact that he's eight, he's turning nine in November, I did not want to risk it. But I also knew that for myself, I really needed to let myself have this opportunity because I haven't done a lot of things for myself in the last several years. And I this is this is really the biggest and the biggest thing that I have ever done for myself.

This is the it feels like one of the only decisions I've made in my life in the last, I don't know, eight years that's for for me and where I'm thinking of myself and what I want. And so I'm just really, really, really happy to be here. Of course, I miss crew every day, but I have felt so safe here. I have my body has felt relaxed. My mind in this environment, I just feel so calm, and it's it's really nice.

You know? It's kinda nice to be myself when no one around me knows my past or I don't know. It just feels really empowering, and it feels like I am in charge of my life and that I can choose what I want to do, which is really nice and that I have that freedom. And it just feels really empowering. I don't know if that's corny.

But, yeah, it feels really empowering. And I am really learning the balance of of working in an office again because I've worked remote for the last few years, and so it's been nice. It's been nice being around other people and creating those relationships. And it's, again, really nice having this podcast still, and I found a new gym. I found a gym.

It took three gyms for me to get there, but I found it. And it's not, you know, the nicest gym in the world with the nicest equipment. In fact, 99% of the time, you're going to have to find the dumbbells match, like, somewhere else in the gym. This gym, nobody picks up after themselves. Weights are everywhere.

People will put their phone and their water bottle on a piece of equipment that they have no intention of using just to, like, hold their things. They will not unload the plates. There's, like, four treadmills and everyone wants to do cardio. But that being said, I love it. I do.

And I I love it because fitness is actually pretty new to Eastern Europe. And so it's actually really fun because I I look around and actually, this is not why it's fun. But I look around sometimes and there will be guys on the bench press literally bench pressing, like, a 10 on each side. And they're like big guys, and I'm thinking, you can lift so much more than that. But everybody here is a beginner.

Everybody here is learning. Everyone here is new to fitness, and it's really fun. And it's really inspiring, and I actually really love it. I do. Even though I've only talked to two people at the gym, one is the front desk girl.

She's absolutely lovely and speaks really great English. The second one, she's a personal trainer, and I think she's 19 or 20. And the really fun thing about the personal trainers in Albania, and this is consistent gym to gym to gym, is the personal trainers are there to train everybody. And now I'm realizing why my membership is so expensive. The gyms in Albania are pricey.

No gym that I went to, none of them were under $50. The one I'm at is $50 a month. The first one I looked at was 65 a month. And then the middle one, the second one that I that I looked at was a hundred and $25 a month. And that one was actually really nice, but it was so crowded.

And I'm realizing now that the reason that is is because they literally have personal trainers walking around that just assist people and help people. And you can walk up to them and say, okay. What else should I do? And they'll show you an exercise to do. And so it's basically this on demand personal trainer all the time.

So, yeah, she's super cool and super nice. And she came up to me and told me that she could help me with whatever I needed and all the things. In fact okay. Now I need to tell you about the story of my first gym experience. So I walk into this gym, and I posted pictures of it on my story.

It has quotes that are so, so, so funny. I mean, it's called perfect fitness. So already they're telling you they have a sign that literally says on the wall, be perfect. And it's just so funny. It's so funny.

The other sign that they have on the wall let me look. When was it? Oh, it was May. So I just gotta search it up in my photos. They have a bunch of, like, really old signs.

One of them says it's not a short term diet. It's a long term lifestyle change. Okay. That that's valid. It's this one.

Behind every successful woman is the butt she got moving to get her there. And I'm like, heck, yeah. It is. Heck yeah, it is. And then another one says what does this one say?

What does this one say? Oh, losing weight means you'll look good in clothes. Lifting means you'll look good naked. I'm like, it's so funny. I love it.

I love it. Anyways, they had quotes like that over their walls. So once I get down to the gym after changing my shoes because that is another thing. You are not allowed to work out in your street shoes. You have to bring a separate pair.

So I walk there in my socks and my Tevas, and then I switched to my white Nike Metcons, which I also wear out and about. But, like, I don't know. I am not gonna have a I'm not gonna have another pair of shoes that's strictly for this gym, especially because it's not, you know, that that new or whatever. Anyways, so I change into my shoes and go downstairs, and the personal trainer is like, alright. What are you lifting today?

And I'm like, oh, that's okay. I'm just doing an upper body workout. And he's like, alright. Let me see it. So I pull out my plan, and I show it to him.

And he's like, okay. Yeah. Like, yeah, this is okay. If I are you, I would start over here. And I was like, okay.

Thank you. I appreciate it. And then, you know, fifteen minutes later, I take off my baggy T shirt and lifting my sports bra and my shorts. So you can tell that I actually, like, do know to how how to lift weights a little bit. Right?

And he comes up to me and he's like, yeah. You know what? Like, we should work out sometime together. And I was like, oh, yeah. I'm like, usually, I like to work out on my own.

Actually, it's just something that I like to do. And he's like, yeah. Me too. I always love working out by myself. But, yeah, we should totally hit a lift together sometime.

I was just like, bro, first of all, he was probably, like, in his late thirties. And second of all, not my type. Third of all, I just met you. This is my first day at this gym. I haven't even signed up yet.

Like, at least wait till the girl signs up so you know that she's locked in. So I didn't end up going there. He was really nice. It's just I don't wanna I don't like having to say no to people. I don't like denying people.

I don't like saying no. I don't like drawing boundaries, all the things. So instead, I removed myself from the situation. I finished my lift there and then went to check out a new gym the next day. And at the end at the end of the day, I ended up at the gym that I am at now, but that's how I learned that all these personal trainers, they're just walking around helping everybody.

You can always ask them for form tips. They'll even come up to you and, like, fix your form if they think that you need it and whatnot. Anyways, the ones at my gym are really chill. I just say hey to them every time I go in there, and then I work out, and then I leave. But everyone is really nice, and I just feel I don't know.

I just feel really good there, and it's really nice. And, of course, I really miss crew, and I, of course, really miss my family and my sisters and my brother and my parents and my really close friends. But I don't know. I I just knew that it was time for me to go. It was time for Hannah to get out of there.

I moved to Salt Lake City when I first separated from my ex. And then two weeks later, my ex moved to Salt Lake City. And so I didn't ever really feel like I had space, especially because they moved within, like, I don't know, four or five blocks of me. So I just which is not like I own Salt Lake City. Okay?

I don't own Salt Lake City. But I don't know. I just I I really felt like I want my own space, and I want to be who I am without people watching. And I just feel like I've had a lot of, like I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it.

But, actually, I do know how to explain it, but I can't explain it. So sorry. I can't say things. But I just have felt so much solitude and peace and comfort being on my own, and that has taken a long time. It's taken a lot to get here because I really used to I really used to dislike myself.

I really used to feel so broken and incomplete that I relied on other people to complete me, and I relied on other people to tell me who to who I was. And that's actually what got me here in the first place is not trusting myself and only trusting the opinions that that other people had about me. So being able to do this has been so it just means so much to me, and I'm so grateful for this opportunity. And had I felt lonely? Actually, no.

I have not. I have not felt lonely even once. The only thing I felt is missing, you know, obviously, the people in my life that I would see every single day, of course. But I I don't know. I guess this is what I'm going to going to leave you with is I want what I would tell you if you're feeling stuck or scared, you know, just in case no one has told you this yet today, you are absolutely allowed to outgrow what no longer fits even if it did once feel like your home.

You're allowed to want more even if everyone around you is content with life. You're allowed to leave even when staying might be easier or would have been easier. Because sometimes healing, at least in my world, it doesn't necessarily look like getting better. It doesn't look it's not all external. And for me, everything I think for me, people have rightfully assumed that I'm doing great in times where I'm not just because I look a certain way, and it doesn't look like that.

It doesn't look anything like that. It all has to do with how you feel on the inside. And my brain, my nervous system, nothing about me on the inside has felt okay in a long, long time. And it's not like I'm saying you have to leave the country to feel okay. For me, it was separating myself from a situation I didn't wanna be in anymore.

Despite how much I loved that individual. And this was kinda just the next step. It was getting real with myself and actually doing something that I've wanted to do my entire life. You know, moving to a new country, I don't have any of this all figured out. I don't.

In fact, a lot of people would ask me questions of, oh, well, where is your apartment? Oh, I have no idea. I literally got the address to my apartment the day before I got here. Right? But that's okay because I'm not pretending to know everything anymore.

I'm not pretending to have everything under control. I'm not pretending that I know who I am or what I want in life. I'm just existing as I am now, and I don't feel crazy for wanting more. I don't feel crazy for wanting more peace or more freedom or anything like that. And I think that for a lot of people, the only thing that's missing in life is deciding that you're actually ready for that change.

It's to stop performing your life. And I've talked about this in the last few episodes, but it's so important to stop living a life that doesn't reflect who you are. Because, again, I've talked about this. In my last few episodes, we spend so much of our lives just trying to prove ourselves, prove that we're good. I've been spending my life trying to prove that I work hard, that I'm easy to love, that I'm worthy of love, and I'm done with the prove it game.

Right? I don't actually need to prove anything to anyone anymore. Not that I'm a good person or that I'm a good girlfriend or a good wife or that I'm nice or that I'm a good human or good anything. Because what I've learned is as long as I know who I am to my core and can stand in on my own two feet, I am good enough. And I don't have to earn rest.

I don't have to apologize for wanting more. I don't have to ask anyone's permission for anything, and only you can decide to live that way by telling yourself the truth. And the truth is why you're unhappy or what you want to change in your life. And, you know, it's challenging because I still grieve. I cried the other day on the beach in Turkey.

But you can grieve. You can grieve the life that you thought you would have while still building something better. And the reason why I cried in Turkey is because it was so like, the feelings that I had and the peace, it was just so overwhelming. And I just I just wished so badly that I could be or could have been not could be because the past is in the past, and I don't I do not regret anything. I don't wish anything was different right now.

I'm very proud of myself, and I would do it all over again. But sometimes I do grieve, you know, the life that I thought I would have with the person that I thought I would have it with and just these feelings that I have now. I'm like, why couldn't why couldn't that have been in that relationship? Why couldn't we have had that together? You know what I mean?

And just kinda processing that and, like, the whys and and the reasons. And it's like, I already know other whys. I already know other reasons. And sometimes you don't know why, but there's peace in not knowing why too. You know, there's peace in not knowing.

I love that quote. There is peace in not knowing because you can ask yourself questions all day long. You can ask yourself questions all day long and just avoid the truth. Right? But what you can also do is still grieve the life you thought you would had while building something better by letting those friendships fade, letting your body change, letting your priorities shift, moving from a different job.

And that's not failure. That's growth. And there's a quote that I heard the other day, and it goes, confidence comes from making difficult choices that you know are for you but are hard in the moment. But you make them because it gives you self respect. That's how you become confident, is making difficult choices like setting boundaries or removing relationships that no longer serve you, breaking up with a partner, quitting a job, all of these things that are really hard in the moment, but you know you need to do for yourself.

This creates confidence over time, doing consistent things that align with who you really are, and that's becoming. And one more quote, like Florence Pugh said, she said, the moment you know your worth, everybody panics. Because once you know it, you're kind of unstoppable. So let them panic. Right?

Because we are we're just getting started, and we are moving forward in life. And there's so many things to experience. There's so many things. You can ask me any questions, and I will try my best to answer them. But a lot of things I just don't know, and that for once doesn't bring me an immense amount of anxiety.

And I'm just grateful for that, and I am grateful for you. I am seriously, seriously grateful for you guys. Thanks for riding along for these 100 episodes and through so many changes. I think I need to start from the beginning and listen to my podcast from the beginning because I'm sure I mean, I know that I've changed so much, but I kind of wanna hear it and hear my opinions and see what I have to say and kind of reflect on how much can change in a year or even a season. I mean, a hundred episodes is a long time, and so thank you.

Thank you so much everybody for listening. I kind of wanted to do a little a little summary of all of the places all the places that you guys are listening from. I thought that this would be fun and all of that kind of stuff. So we are going to see from all time all of the locations. So in all time, we have 54 countries and territories and 794 cities.

Some exciting new locations are Lethbridge, Alberta, Burna Baby, British Columbia, and Dubai. So that's really fun. And my top 10 countries are The United States, of course, Canada, Australia, Afghanistan, The Netherlands, Albania, Germany, Iran, Ireland, and Israel. Actually, that's the last that's the last five episodes. Yeah.

So, anyways, I just think it's so cool. I think it's so cool that we can connect in these ways. And, obviously, you know, you already know the point of of my of my podcast is I have actually felt so unrelatable in so many times in my life. So unrelatable. Like, the world doesn't understand me.

Like, I cannot be understood, and there's must be something wrong with me and my brain. And I I don't know. Just so many so many emotions. But once I began talking about it and expressing my feelings, I realized, wait. No.

I'm not this, like, crazy person who's unrelatable and unwanted and all of these things. Like, I have a place in the world, and I have things that I can share and things that I can say. And even if people don't relate to them specifically or they've never had that experience, it can actually bring us closer together. And it can help people understand perspectives they haven't had and especially when people share their experiences with me that I've never had or maybe I don't agree with. Right?

I I think that that's the point of connection and community and is to support each other and to provide spaces where we can feel safe and loved and important. And so I hope this is one for you because it's one for me. And I just wanna say thank you one last time. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day. I would love if you left me any feedback or things that you have liked out of these past hundred episodes or what you wanna see in the future.

And with that, thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast, and I will talk to you later. Bye.