When Life Is Hard You Gotta Be Harder

Big life updates all around as we dive into the rest of your submissions from last week. I'll also chime in with my update at the end, and we can reflect on how much life has changed in the last few years together. Hope you enjoy <3

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Chapters

• 3:03 Feeling trapped in my relationship
• 10:07 Feeling confused on the direction to move in life
• 19:51 Grappling with the traditional markers of success
• 31:43 Personal life update

Transcript

Hi. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. I'm your host, Hannah. And today I don't know if I ever said that before.

But, yeah, welcome back to my podcast. When life is hard, you gotta be harder, and that is essentially the theme of today's episode. I have been thinking a lot, and I was thinking today we could we could yap. We could talk about life and the things that I have been thinking about as of late, but not just me, what you guys have been thinking as well because this is kinda gonna piggyback off of last week's episode. I had five, four or five more submissions to share from you.

These submissions are what I like to call love notes and hate mail. Just the things that you're going through in life and not really an advice session, but kind of. I mean, take it take it with a grain of salt. Don't know if I should be giving advice as of this moment, but kind of just just talking through what you guys are going through and acknowledging the fact that life is insane, especially right now in in in these days, in these times. But one really good thing that's been going on is the sunshine.

Can we talk about the fact that it snowed for maybe two days this winter? And, oh my goodness, the other day, it was, what, 66 degrees. I went outside. I sat on my balcony in my sports bra and my shorts for, I don't know, twenty five minutes, and I got some sun. It was amazing.

And that's about the extent of which I've been doing things outside of my house. I'm gonna give you also an update about the status of my life and, you know, all those things that you're really here to find out. But I'll be talking about that at the at the end of today's episode and just kinda giving you some updates because I will not be doing a weekly Friday recap this week. I've not been spending a lot of time on social media, so I don't really know a lot of the pop culture moments that are going on and all that kind of stuff. My brain has been kinda consumed with other things, so we're gonna talk about that.

And before we get into everything, I just wanted to say welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Okay. Let's just jump right into the very first submission. We're going we're going right in. Okay?

This one says, I'm feeling trapped in my relationship. I love my partner, but I feel like I've lost my sense of self. It's like I'm always putting their needs for mine and really forgetting about anything on my plate. We've been together for a few years now, and I'm constantly sacrificing my dreams and goals for the sake of his. I don't want to be selfish, but I also don't wanna lose myself completely.

Every time I try to talk about it, he says I'm being unreasonable or too dramatic. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just being a martyr or if I'm right to feel the need or if I'm right to feel like I need more independence. How do I stop losing myself in this relationship and start taking care of myself without feeling like I'm doing something wrong or feeling guilt? Well, girlfriend, sounds like you're in a tough situation, but there's one thing. Loving someone deeply doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own identity or your own aspirations.

And this is what I need needed someone to tell me freaking fifty years ago when I was just a wee bit jeans floating around in in wherever. Because I thought that the ultimate form of love is sacrifice, and the ultimate form of love is kinda letting go of your needs and wants and wishes in order to support the other person or to support, like, a common common dream and, of course, you know, there's balance to everything. But a healthy relationship has a balance of support of both giving and receiving, so I would say there's a few things to consider. Number one, of course, your needs matter, and it's not a selfish thing to want the space to be able to pursue your own dreams and wishes. I feel like we hear a lot about compromise in relationships, but one thing that compromising is not is giving up who you are for the other person or for their dreams and their goals or for the sake of them.

And so this, of course, brings in the fact that communication is key, but a huge part of communication is being heard. So you're saying that he really doesn't, you know, doesn't listen. He says you're being unreasonable or too dramatic. If your partner is dismissing your concerns as dramatic or unreasonable, in my opinion, that's, like, a little bit of a red flag because someone that loves you is always going to want to understand your concerns. They're always going to want to support you, especially and even if they don't relate to your feelings.

Even if they don't understand being able to validate you and being able to then maneuver and come up with something different so that you do feel supported. That's what true communication means. So if that's not happening, then one thing I found helpful for me is to prioritize yourself in small ways, and something I did was reconnecting with hobbies. So last year, as you know, got into pottery, really started enjoying doing that, signed up for, you know, I think it was three three or four six week long classes at a community college, and that just was able to bring in a whole bunch of different experiences. So I did drawing.

You know, you meet other people. You get yourself back out into the world, and you're able to find joy, which is important because you're finding joy by taking care of yourself. And that's not an attack on your relationship. That's not anything negative. It it actually makes you a better person, and I think it can make you a better partner when you do have hobbies outside of your relationship.

That is so important and with friends too and personal goals. So really start prioritizing yourself in those small ways, and I think it can show you what you do enjoy, what you do value, and can give you insight on what you're currently in and if you are truly happy. And that will end up, you know, helping you reflect on your dynamic. Are these sacrifices one-sided? Is your person making space for your goals the way that you're doing it for him?

And if not, then having another open conversation about what a more balanced partnership will look like is important. And, again, if he's not interested, then he's not interested in you. He's just interest interested in the benefits that being with you brings him, and that's not a good enough reason to stay with somebody because that's just going to end up making you feel probably a lot of resentment. And you can't exist happily when you feel resentful. And, of course, you might feel a little bit guilty in the beginning for reprioritizing some of your needs and wants and wishes.

But it sounds like you've been really conditioned to put other people first, and it it's so hard to move away from that. It's so hard to recognize that asking for your needs to be filled is not selfish because your happiness does matter. And at the end of the day, a strong relationship allows both people to grow and both people to feel good and happy and calm and and supported, not just one person. So it it is okay to want more independence, and it's okay to ask for it. And if these conversations that you if you do end up having these, if it doesn't lead to change, you might need to ask yourself if this relationship is truly allowing you to be your fullest self.

Again, just because it's been several years, it doesn't mean that you owe it, you know, several years more to figure that out. I think that taking a look at the patterns of your relationship, communicating, and if you communicate several times and it's just not going through, well, they're telling you straight out through not only their words but their actions what is important to them. So you deserve a love that lets you thrive and not just exist in their world. And best of luck to you. Please update us.

Thank you for submitting this too. I appreciate it. Okay. Next one. I'm gonna combine these two submissions because they are pretty similar.

This one goes, at 22 years old, I'm feeling really confused in my life. I feel like I'm living in limbo. I just moved to a new place for a job that's supposed to be a really big opportunity since I just graduated college. But the reality is that I'm feeling really lonely and isolated. I've made a few new friends at work, but it's just not the same as being with people that I grew up with in my hometown.

Everyone back home seems to be having this picture perfect life. They're getting married. They're having kids, buying houses in their dream careers, starting their own businesses, and I'm still trying to figure out my career and my personal life. It's really hard not to feel like I'm missing out on things. I keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing by pushing through, but the fear of missing out on things I thought I'd have by now has been really overwhelming.

Is it normal to feel this way all the time? How do I balance this with pushing myself to grow but also accepting where I am now? Okay. Now I'm gonna I'm gonna combine that one with this next one. And this one says, I'm 26, and I feel so much pressure to have it all figured out.

I'm still figuring out who I am, what I wanna do with my life, and where I see myself in a few years. I feel like every time I talk to someone older than me and younger than me at this point, they have these grand plans and they know exactly what they're doing, and it never fails to make me feel like I'm falling behind. I'm working full time while I'm figuring out my next step, but sometimes it feels like I'm shredding water. The fear of being stuck at a dead end job or failing at whatever path I choose is overwhelming. I keep hearing about how your twenties are the time to set yourself up for success, but what if I'm not doing enough to get there?

I really don't wanna wake up in five more years and feel like I've been wasting all my time, but I don't feel like I have enough clarity yet to make the big moves everyone else is making. Okay. These are two really good submissions, and I wrote down a few notes after writing them. And the very first point I'd like to make is, surprise, surprise, but nobody, not a single person, actually has it all figured out. I promise you.

I know you hear it all the time, but most people, even the ones who seem super put together, are still figuring things out. Some some of us some of them are just better at pretending they know what they're doing or looking confident while they're doing new things. But know that everyone is experiencing a series of pivots at all time. Everyone is experimenting in life. No one's done this before.

This is basically a huge experiment, and we're all going through learning experiences all the time. I mean, you could think you know what to expect when, for example, you have a baby, but then there's, like, a thousand different things that could happen. You could prepare so well for your birth. I'm I'm bringing up babies because a lot of my close friends are having kids right now, and it's very relevant. And I've been reading lots of birth stories online, but online.

Wow. I sounded like I was 45 on Instagram. But, yeah, reading through these birth stories and seeing people that share you know, they went through all of this birth prep, and they were planning on doing it at home, unmedicated. And then suddenly, they were rushed to the hospital, and they were told their body couldn't actually give give birth naturally and all these things. And then they ended up having to have an epidural and this huge whirlwind and roller coaster of things end up happening happening.

And if that's not a example for how an example of how life goes, I don't know. I don't know what it is. You could be the most prepared for an event that you know is coming in your entire life and then still have it go completely opposite and not be prepared at all, even though you knew it was coming. So then you take a look at life and things that you don't know are coming, like getting a divorce. I mean, I think at one point I think at some point, you you're like, oh, yeah.

I think this is this is not really turning out too good. But, like, before that you know what I mean? Before that, just know that what I've learned is your twenties are seriously meant for exploring and experimenting. And when I say experimenting, I mean, trying out different jobs, trying out living in different places, trying different business ideas and opportunities. It's not just setting up your I don't know.

It's just not it's it's not setting up your career today so that in fifteen years, you're fifteen years into your career. That's most likely not gonna happen. It does happen, though. It does happen. And I look at those people that graduated high school knowing exactly what they wanted to do, and then they did it.

And they're still doing it. And now they're in their career, and they're a freaking doctor, and we're the same age. And I'm just thinking, good for you. That's amazing. And I'm glad that you knew what you wanted to do so soon.

I didn't. And, yeah, your twenties can help you lay a foundation, but it's about trying different things out. Jobs, hobbies, lifestyles, nobody expects you to have your five year plan locked in at 18 or 21. I think that, unfortunately, we are asked way too much what we wanna do when we're older, and I do think it's because they want us to, you know, critically think about these things. But how do you choose what you wanna do when your brain isn't even all the way developed?

You know what I mean? And so I would just look at it as your job right now isn't to have all the answers. It's just to gather the experiences that will help shape your opinions and what you actually enjoy. And then in ten years, that's probably going to change again because you'll have so many more new experiences and whatnot. And that just goes to show that treading water is still movement.

Even if you feel like you're standing still, you're not. Every job, every challenge, every person you meet teaches you something about what you like, about what you don't, about what kind of life you do want and you don't want, and that's super, super valuable is knowing that you're not wasting this time. The only real way that we waste our twenties is by being afraid of making the wrong choice, so we make no choice at all. And you stay in something that you know is not right for you, whether that is a job, a career, a degree, a person, a relationship. So being able to take small risks and trying new things, that's the only thing that will bring you clarity is action, and I hate that.

Oh, I hate that. You can't just think your way out of things these days. You actually have to do something. So takes do something I don't know. Do something really low key.

Do something enjoyable. Take a class that interests you. Travel if you can. Travel can bring a lot of perspective, but, again, costs bunches of money, especially these days. And I just feel that the more experiences you're able to give yourself, the wider range, the clearer your direction becomes.

And maybe you end up getting a waitressing job or you yeah. You're a waiter at a nice steakhouse or something. And then while you're a waiter at that steakhouse, you are able to network with people either working there or maybe clients at a table. And then, hey. They give you some sort of advice that changes your life, and that was the reason you needed to be there.

So just know you're not behind. 26 is still so young. You're just a baby. And how old was the other submission? 22.

Yeah. You're not behind. We're really all just at the beginning, and that's exactly where you're supposed to be. And, again, like I said before, treading water is still movement As long as you're not just making no choice at all, it's not the wrong choice. Taking small risk, trying new things, it's all going to be able to lead you to where you're supposed to be.

Coming from someone who has no idea where I am right now, I'm just I'm, like, sitting on it's like I'm sitting on a street bike going 150 miles an hour. I'm not even sitting facing forward. I'm facing backward, and I'm just looking around not really knowing what's going on, but the wind's in my hair, and I'm I'm happy about it. Right? Oh, it's not that simple, but we'll get into that later.

So next submission. I think this might be is this the last one? No. It's not the last one. That's good.

Because I was thinking, man, I don't think I could talk about my, things going on in my life for the next thirty minutes. But okay. Here's the next one. 20 20 five is a big year of change for me. I'm 25 years old, and I've been grappling with this idea that success is much more than having a job or making money.

Society is such a very narrow view of success, and I don't think I'm buying into it anymore. I've spent my entire life working towards achieving the traditional markers of success, good grades, steady job, financial stability, but none of this is making me happy. I want to travel. I wanna try new things and live a life that's fulfilling in ways that don't fit the typical success story we were sold in elementary school. But the pressure to follow the normal path is very overwhelming.

I'm scared that deviating from what's expected will be seen as a failure if I fall behind. I think this is something I just love this conversation. I love talking about kind of redefining what success means because this has been a huge theme in my life, and it's that success is not a one size fits all. Society's version of success, you know, your job, your money, stability, it's not wrong, of course. We all want financial freedom.

We all want stability, but the path is not the only way. And if checking off those boxes does not feel fulfilling, then it's probably something different, and that's okay. So you gotta give yourself permission to want more or to want less because I've I've said this a billion times. But, you know, hustle, culture, achievement, all these things, money, money, money, money is super glorified, and it's really easy to feel pressured to conform to a lifestyle that prioritizes constant productivity and hustle, hustle, hustle, you know, work sixty, ninety hour is it even possible to work a ninety hour week? No.

You'd be dead. Okay. I just had to think about that for a second. So, you know, if you're craving something different and you want to travel, it's completely valid. A lot of people really thrive in structure and thrive in routine where I I thrive with wait.

I was about to say I thrive with spontaneity, and I'm I'm not quite sure that's exactly true as as of this moment. But, yeah, a lot of people find their energy in adventures and spontaneity, and it does fluctuate. You know? I think right now, for myself, I need structure and routine, but I also love adventures and picking up and going somewhere and being spontaneous. But I like to be spontaneous with a plan.

You know what I'm saying? It's like when you're trying to figure out what kind of traveler someone is, and it's like, okay. Are we flying there with zero plan and we're gonna land her two feet on the ground and just figure out what the heck is going on? Or are you the person that has, like, an entire itinerary hour by hour by hour doing all these things? And I definitely fall somewhere in the middle where, oh, I will.

You wanna go on a trip? Oh, I'll plan the whole thing, but it will be flexible. It's something where it's like there's things on the itinerary each day, and it all makes sense. But if we don't get to if we don't get to it, it's not a big deal, and there's time to relax and whatnot. Anyways, don't know why I shared that.

But, yeah, let's get back to it. It's just important to give yourself permission to want what feels right for you, whether that's more or less. It's as life is as varied as you are. You know what I'm saying? And it's okay to change course if that's what you need.

If you've lived your whole life by the book and it's not bringing you happiness, it might be scary to try something completely different, especially if everyone around you is not. But it's sometimes too easy to get caught up in reaching those those goals and those milestones. And I've learned it's important no matter if the experiences end up being good or bad. I mean, they shape you, and they add they add depth to your story. Right?

At the end of the day, we're, we're developing our characters fully. And the harder your life is, the funnier you are. So celebrate that as a win. No. I'm just kidding.

But, really, when making decisions about your life, you have to trust yourself. You have to trust your instincts. If something feels off, if it doesn't resonate with you, you gotta you gotta switch it up because your instincts, whatever you wanna call that, will guide you towards what is best for you, but you have to listen to it. And you have to embrace the uncertainty of life because it is unpredictable, and that's what makes it equally exciting and or terrifying. Just kind of depends on your perspective.

And seeing it as an opportunity to grow and explore is so exciting. So this is what I would do if I were you. Well, no. I'm not gonna give you, like, perfect advice. But you say you wanna travel.

You say you wanna meet new people. Save up your money several months. Quit your job, go travel for a bit, see what you actually wanna do. You find so much inspiration by traveling because you meet so many people, and you hear so many different experiences. And once you get out of the little bubble of the place you're living in, you realize that you can really do anything that you want in this life because there's so many things that you can choose.

There's so many routes for success, especially with social media. I mean, if you choose one thing, let's say it's the most you think it's boring. Let's say that you choose something and you feel like it's boring, and you go to work every single day and you do the same stuff. If you vlogged about that, you would still probably get famous. And then, hey.

Look at that. Now you're now you're sponsoring a side hobby. Like, it's just crazy what you could do. It's crazy what you can do. Okay.

Let me see here. I'm wondering if I I think I have one more submission, but I don't know if I've already said this one. It's another relationship one. So I'm sorry if I sorry if I already did the sorry if I'm repeating one of these, either the first one that I said or this one. But I'm gonna go forward with it because I'm really not sure, and I don't wanna miss any of them.

I'm in a relationship with someone who I thought was my person, but lately, I'm noticing things that are making me question if I'm settling. When we first started dating, everything felt like a whirlwind of excitement. But now that we've been together for a year, I feel like I'm constantly putting in way more effort than he is. He's always busy with work, and whenever we do hang out, he's distracted either on his phone or thinking about something else. I've tried to bring it up a few times, but he brushes it off saying he's tired and stressed.

I feel like I'm doing all the emotional labor, and I'm starting to feel unappreciated. I know I'm worth more than this, and I don't wanna make any rash decisions. I guess I'm just at this crossroad where I'm unsure whether I should keep investing in this relationship or let it go. Letting go feels hard because of the history we've built. How do I know when it's time to walk away even though it feels I've invested so much time?

Well, I think that your efforts, first of all, need to be matched. Relationships, especially when you've been together, you know, at least a year, they're always gonna naturally shift from the honeymoon phase to something more stable. Because if you think about it, the honeymoon phase is like a high. It's not completely you know, you're getting to know this person. You're spending all this time together.

Everything's new and fun and exciting. So then when it shifts to something more stable, it's gonna be not as you're not gonna have that as high of a high, but the effort shouldn't disappear. So if you're always the one initiating planning, carrying the emotional labor and stress and weight, that's kind of a big sign of imbalance because, yeah, love isn't just about feelings all the time. It's about action. So being able to listen to his actions, not just his words, just something that I was saying in the beginning of this episode, that's important.

Of course, you know, if he keeps saying he's tired and stressed, that makes sense. But if it's if he's not making an effort to change that or to cope with that somehow, that's that's worth paying attention to because life is stressful. Sorry to break it to him, but everybody's stressed. Stress happens. Life is stress.

Stress is life. All the things. But a caring partner will always still find ways to make you feel valued even in small moments, even if they have a long day. So that's something that's important. And the next one is that you're never gonna be throwing away the time you invest in someone.

It's not wasted just because it might end. The most important thing to know that staying in something that doesn't fulfill you just because of the history is not a good reason to stay. Think Think about it this way. If nothing's gonna change in the next six months, would you still want to be here today? And a lot of times, people will tell you straight out if something's gonna change in the next six months or not.

And if they don't and if they're constantly leading you forward with, oh, it's just this is just temporary. Like, I won't feel stressed after this happens or after this happens. Again, that's when you gotta look at patterns and whatnot. But having honest conversations and if you haven't already, have a real direct conversation where you where you lay it all out. You know?

You feel unappreciated. You feel like you're doing all the emotional work, and you want to see more effort put into the relationship. You want to feel like it's worth continuing, and then watch what happens. And if he dismisses it again, that's your answer, baby girl. You gotta trust yourself.

You gotta trust your gut. If you feel like something's off, if you're completely drained, unseen, you feel like you're begging for attention, that's not love. That's emotional exhaustion, and it's okay to choose yourself because, ultimately, everybody should know this, but you do not need permission to leave a relationship that's not making you happy. You always deserve a love that feels like a partnership, not a job, and maybe the fear of being alone. That's, I mean, that's scary.

I've had that fear. You know, the fear of being alone and being by yourself, that's a really big scary one and moving throughout this world on your own, but it's it's going to be so much better than to move through the world by yourself or alone if it takes away the immense amount of burdens that having an unfair relationship has been having on you. Life is gonna actually feel lighter in that case. You know what I'm saying? But, yeah, that's basically all the submissions that I have.

We have completed them. So time for a life update. Oh, this year this year has been one for the books. As of late, I have been feeling such a wide range of emotions. Let's break it down.

So I did go to London for five days ish the beginning of this month, February, and that turned out to be so much more fun and fulfilling than I thought it would be. And then when I got home, it was like a freaking crash crash landing. I got home. Two days later was my birthday. I already gave a recap about that a few episodes ago.

And then so my birthday is the twelfth. Okay? Wednesday, the twelfth. Then the thirteenth happened. The thirteenth was actually a really good day.

I felt so much better than I did on my birthday. And then the fourteenth, Valentine's Day, another first for me. I also talked about that in another episode. That was also kinda like a, you know, difficult time. And then the next week was really great, and I just had, like, a much better week the week after that, which was, you know, well, I think last week and then this week.

It's like it's just kind of a constant roller coaster. I did find out actually, I guess last week was also a roller coaster as well. One thing about me is that I will forget if I have a bad day. It's something I've been working through. Like, I I literally will go to my therapist, and she'll say, how was your week?

And I'll say, oh my gosh. It's perfect. Best week ever. And she'll say, really? And I'll say, yeah.

Then we'll get thirty minutes into our conversation. I'll pull up my notes app, and I'll look at my notes and, like, my journal essentially because I just journal on my phone. And, like, every single journal entry from the week is, like, sad, And I just don't remember it. And it's like, I'm really trying to work on that and to be more present and whatnot and whatever else. But life update, I found out one week ago on the nineteenth that I'm divorced.

It is official. I it's actually crazy because guess what day I was officially divorced? On the thirteenth, the day after my freaking birthday, and the day before Valentine's Day is when my divorce went through. So I didn't find out for another six days. So I was divorced for a full six days.

Imagine being divorced, AKA officially single, for six whole days and not even knowing it. Like, what the heck? It's kinda crazy. And you gotta laugh about it because if you don't laugh, you'll cry. And I did cry.

And but, actually, I did not cry that day. That's what has been the emotional roller coaster is oh my goodness. That was officially one week ago because I'm recording this on Wednesday, the twenty sixth. So, yeah, I found out one week ago that I'm divorced. So, I mean, I guess it makes sense why I have been feeling kind of all over the place because at the end of the day, you know, it's something that I chose to do.

I mean, you can't, like, you know, think about it too hard. I I mean, yeah, you can think about it really hard, and it it is actually something you should think about. But it's just a huge mix of emotions. I'm grateful, and I'm sad. Is it okay to be grateful and sad at the same time?

Because I think that's a really good I think it's a really good conclusion to how I feel is grateful and sad. And I have just been grieving, I think, all over again. This morning, especially, holy cow. It's just a really big mix of emotions, and I hopefully, I don't know if I should even be talking about this. Is this appropriate?

Should I be talking about this? I don't know. But I posted something on my podcast story today, and it is a caption that says the grief is immense, but so is the joy. What a privilege it is to still have countless blessings to be acknowledged even on our worst days. And that's really how I've been feeling.

And I've also been feeling a lot of the emotions of, wow, I literally can't do this anymore. But I can, and I will, and it's just a part of the process. And one thing that I'm really good at doing is, for sure, making it look like everything is all together all the time. Maybe I'm not actually good at that. All of you are sitting there like, no, Hannah.

You're very transparent. But, yeah, I think it is okay to be grateful and sad at the same time. I've been learning a lot about myself. I've been reading this book. It's been actually life changing, and it's called It Begins With You by Jillian Turecki.

I've been following her on Instagram for a while, but, yeah, it's called It Begins With You, the nine hard truths about love that will change your life. And I've really been learning that my past relationship was a really big mirror for me. It showed me where my trauma is, and then it showed me the lack of self love that I had for myself. And one thing that I learned as a child in my childhood is if I have boundaries, that makes me an unkind person. If I have a strong opinion about anything, that means I'm aggressive.

If I ask too many questions, I'm annoying. And if I have needs, then I'm selfish. Right? And I'm not saying, like, oh, I learned this from my parents and blah blah blah blah blah. Just, like, overall from the age of, you know, whatever to 16, and it's like, those are the things that I learned.

So pretending you don't have needs is not does not make you a a good person. It doesn't make you the cool person, the cool partner, the cool girl. Not requiring a lot of consideration, not asking for your needs to be met. For some reason, I've always thought that those things, or being needy is unattractive. It's undesirable.

To have an opinion is to be difficult. You're either sweet or you are a a biatch. And so I know that I have so much work to do, but even just recognizing these things has been really good for me. And I know that, also, healing is not something that's just gonna happen in a day where I wake up one day and I'm like, sick. I'm ready to I'm ready to do that again.

Like, let's freaking get married and do the whole thing. You know what I'm saying? Because I know that even when I do all this work, I will still become challenged in new ways in new relationships, and that I'll never actually be ready for anything. But what I do know is that you gotta choose somebody who gives you the support and freedom you need to fully express yourself in the world. And I think that's what love is, not just with a partner, but with friends.

You know? You don't want to have to suppress who you are and pretend who you are not, and that's why I think fam familial relationships can be really hard. If your family expects something of you, you're not meeting that, and they do not accept it. So having to pretend that you're someone you're not is not it does not make you feel good on the inside. And I don't know.

Those are just kinda some things that I've been learning. This book has been really good for me. Therapy has been good. It's just been yeah. It's been a lot.

I've been sad that I've been grateful. I've been making new friends. That's crazy. When you get out of such a long relationship where you essentially lose your person and you lose your best friend and you lose a person that you thought of all day every day and you're talking to all day every day and you're communicating and you're thinking about their needs and, you know, your life is essentially wrapped around each other and you go from that to suddenly nothing. You know, it's it can throw you through a loop.

And being able to make new friends and have new relationships is important, and it's something that I didn't think I would be able to do because I mean, you already know if you listen to my last podcast. But leaving the situation, all I wanted to do is be alone and to never speak to another human ever again for the rest of my life. But life is about connection and support, and, luckily, people have been very patient with me, and that has been really cool and really nice. So thank you, guys. I do appreciate it.

Do I have any other updates? I don't think I can close out the podcast this soon. It's only been forty minutes. Okay. Bodybuilding.

Yeah. Since I'm not doing a weekly Friday recap tomorrow, I'll share this today. I am very I've been thrown through a loop with my bodybuilding and competing. I'm five or six weeks out. And I I really wanted to do the fit model category, which if you don't know what that is, you'll have to listen to my bodybuilding most recent, like, fitness episode.

But I've done bikini in the past. That's a category in bodybuilding. I was gonna do fit model now. Here's the issue that I have is I might be too, quote, unquote, big for fit model and not big enough for bikini. Ugh.

It's so annoying. I'm really annoyed about it because I've been working on I mean, I haven't competed in three years, so I've been really working on building size for three years. You know, I started eating meat again. I've been doing all the things that I need to do. I've been I've bolt for a long, long time.

I've put in tons of time off. And then to come in too big for the new category, but not big enough for bikini, I'm conflicted. You already know that I don't wanna put on any more mass. I don't wanna put on any more size. I don't wanna get any bigger than I am because it just doesn't seem appealing for me.

And in fact, I'd be okay being a bit smaller. So in my mind, I'm not I'm gonna go into this. I am gonna do fit model. I'm probably gonna be too big, which means I well, okay. I don't wanna, like, say these things and then manifest it.

But I'll say them right now, and then and then I'll, tell the universe to forgive me in, like, five minutes. But I'm essentially I might be too big for fit model, and which means that I wouldn't win. But I'm not gonna know what I need to change and, like, the areas that I need to have less muscle unless I do fit model. Because I could go in and do bikini and potentially win, especially because it it does it just matters who's showing up that day. So even if I'm not, like, the poster child for a bikini competitor, if I show up and I'm the most bikini competitor looking out of all the athletes, then I would win.

But I don't want to continue forward in the bikini category because I know at the end of the day, I would need to put on much more a lot more muscle. I don't wanna do that. I'm kinda capped out on what I want to have size wise. So it wouldn't really make sense to compete in bikini even if it meant I have a better chance at winning. It really only makes sense to do fit model.

And so I'm gonna do that and just kind of go forward and accept, like, yeah. This isn't this show is not, you know, to, like, come back and take first place and swipe all categories and blah blah blah. It's really just for me. It's been really good for me. It's it's made it so that I eat enough food, and I stick to a routine, and it's just been a good thing.

So I'm just gonna move forward with that mentality of, hey. I'm gonna do the best that I can. If I end up coming in too muscular for fit model and get last place or don't even get placed, you know what? That's okay. Because it's a learning experience either way.

And then I can spend, you know, the next six months, like, just losing muscle, I guess, if that's the case. But, yeah, besides that, I am back on my fitness Instagram. I'm back on that fitness Instagram grind. I've been trying to decide if I wanna post, you know, every day or every other day. I'm gonna tell you something.

When I was first married, I think it was my very first summer of sales. About halfway through the summer, I was almost to 50,000 followers on my fitness Instagram, and then I quit. I quit. It's a big regret, but I did quit. And then I would kinda come back and forth, but I essentially, at that point, had, you know, kind of, decided to stop that.

And so sometimes I get really annoyed at myself, but I can't because, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And now, you know, now that I can do it, I'm I'm doing it. So I'm excited. And even if, you know, even if it doesn't go anywhere, that's okay. It's just fun to show up again, and it's necessary for me right now.

And, yeah, I'm excited. It's fun. I do enjoy it. So thank you guys for your support in all areas, and I know I have so many Instagrams. Believe me.

I can't even keep up with them. I swear I'll do really good at one, and then the other one falls off. And so sorry, but I appreciate the support. You guys are the best. And just in case nobody has told you this today, it's okay for us to be grateful and sad at the same time.

We don't have to choose between acknowledging the good things happening in our life and the way move is and the way life is moving forward and grieving the hard stuff. Both of them can exist. Both of them can exist. And the right people will make space for you to be able to have that and not just, you know, the parts that are easy to love because you're not just an image to be maintained. You are an experience to be felt.

I've watched a video where, you know, it was saying that we were never really meant to see ourselves. Back in the day, we only saw ourselves through the reflection of water. And even then, it was blurred. And then we would see everyone else around us, but we wouldn't compare ourselves to them. We wouldn't compare faces.

We wouldn't pick apart any flaws. And then mirrors were invented, and then pictures were invented, and then video, and then social media. And that can make it really, really, really hard to not be hard on yourself, whether it's comparing, yeah, your face or your body or whatever else, but even, you know, education, your career, your family. And what I loved about this message is that we were never meant to see ourselves as we do now. We were never meant to sit there and pick ourselves apart because the way that we experience other people are what makes other people beautiful, not the way that they look.

And we are the same thing. We are not an image to be maintained. We are an experience. We're an experience to be felt, and people people love that about you. So don't don't forget that.

Okay? I also want you to remember that if you're feeling lost in life right now, no one no one has it figured out. You're not behind. Take care of yourself. I'm trying to take care of myself too.

Trying to take ownership over my energy, and you just gotta keep choosing yourself over and over and over again. Because when you do choose yourself and to love yourself and to have the correct boundaries and and relationships and whatnot, then you're able to show up the best you can and to give when when that needs to happen. So, anyways, don't know if any of that I don't know if any of that makes sense. Kind of go off on on tangents sometimes. But, yeah, I won't be doing a recap tomorrow, but I would appreciate any and all feedback if you guys have feedback.

I hope you have the most wonderful weekend. Again, the sun has just been it's just revived me. I'm like, oh, okay. Maybe maybe the, maybe the depression has been lifted a little bit. Right?

I mean, literally 65 degrees. The other day is crazy. Right now, it's 44 degrees in Salt Lake City, but it just looks so happy outside. So get yourself out on a walk if you need to. Actually, not if you need to.

Everyone needs to. We should be walking at least twice a day. Okay? If you don't have time for that, then park really far away and then walk into the grocery store. They were not lying about that.

Okay? Alright. Anyways, I'm gonna let you go because I'm just rambling now. But I hope you have the most wonderful Thursday, the most wonderful weekend, and I will talk to you very soon. Thank you so much for listening to the Unrelatable podcast.

Talk to you later.