Love Notes & Hate Mail

In our newest series, we are diving into your most intriguing stories: the secrets you’ve never shared, awkward family reunions, gym anxieties,  feeling jealous of your best friend, and more!

BTW! I hit a few snags with the audio today, but everything will be crystal clear for next week's episode. Thanks for your patience and understanding!

This episode features listener-submitted stories alongside submissions from TheGirlSurvivorGuide, TraumatizeThemBack, AmITheAsshole, and AskWomen on Reddit.

Thank you so much for listening!

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Transcript

Hi, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Today, I'm really excited to introduce our newest series. This is a listener dedicated series called love notes and hate mail. And, essentially, this is a place where you get to share your innermost thoughts about what's happening in life.

Whether you just got pregnant and you can't tell anybody, if you found out if you're having a boy or a girl and it's still a secret, or maybe you just switched jobs and you are hating it. Maybe you're loving it. I don't know. I want to hear about it. This is where we're going to talk all about that.

Sharing your happy moments, your sad moments, and everything in between. Life can feel challenging as I know that we've talked about a lot recently, but there's also funny things that happen and really unpredictable and unrelatable things happen at times. And this is a place where we get to share more of that. And it's a whole bunch of random topics. There's not a very specific one that we're going off of.

This is just what you guys are feeling, what you wanted to share. So we'll talk about family dynamics. Today, we're talking about gym anxieties, weird comments by strangers and kind of what to do in that situation, being jealous of your best friend, job boundaries, losing the love of your life, and a lot more. So needless to say, this is gonna be a really good episode, and I'm really excited about it. And I hope that you are too.

And without further ado, welcome back to the Unrelatable podcast. I have to be honest with you real quick. I mean, my mom will always honest with you, but I have to be honest about what's been going on the last 37 minutes. I have tried recording this episode for what feels like hours and hours and hours, But really, it's just been my cameras quit and my laptop has quit and my cords have broken and the universe just does not want me to have video for my podcast, and it almost won when I tell you that I was so close, this close, this close to just giving up video and saying, you know what? Whatever.

I can't figure it out. I almost did that, but here we are. And you're probably not watching this part on video because I'm only really going to be posting really interesting thoughts and whatnot. But you get what I'm saying. I am just glad to be here, and I'm excited to finally be recording because this has been a long time coming, and you didn't know that.

So I had to tell you. Okay. So like I said, we have a lot on the on the agenda today. But the very first topic that I want to share is a listener submission about family reunions. So it starts by saying, I want to talk about family reunions.

I just recently had one and saw so many cousins and aunts and uncles that I hadn't seen in years. I know these things are supposed to be fun and chill, but I always feel so much stress and anxiety. Like, my whole body reacts to it. So sometimes oh, so much that sometimes it brings me to tears when I finally go to bed at night and have a moment alone. I love my family, and I wanna see them and update them on life.

But part of me just wants to avoid events like this altogether, But it's nothing against them. I just need my peace. Is that selfish? The reunions aren't that often, and I know the effort you put into going is always appreciated. But for how much it drains me, I don't know if it's worth it.

And there's always those family members who say the most unhinged things, which never helps. They just cause me so much more pain than they need to. Maybe I just need to change my mindset around it, or maybe your family is draining to be around. It's kind of sounding okay. I feel like there's a huge range when it comes to family events.

Sometimes when family gets together, you are so excited to see everyone and catch up. And then maybe there's the side of the family where it's in the middle area where you know you want to see them, but you also know that you won't be able to completely be yourself. Or maybe there's going to be check ins on how you're doing in life, and you don't wanna feel like you're trying to live up to a certain standard that everybody else has. And then there's the end where you're feeling to prepare to be drained, and you're feeling like you have to prepare yourself to be kind of on the defense, and you're not able to completely relax. And sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

That's just how you feel. And this situation sounds like it's teetering on those last 2. And I just have to say that sometimes it's worth it to take time away from these situations and figure out if you're going because you actually want to be with family. Are you going to your family reunions because you actually wanna be with your family or because you feel an unsaid expectation, or maybe it's been said maybe they're guilting you. You know, we've put in so much time and energy and effort for this.

We would hate if you didn't show up. Well, sometimes it's a good thing to take some time away and and figure that out because the people that you really want to see and catch up with, why can't it be done outside of a family reunion? I mean, I understand people are traveling distances and whatnot, but you can always text and call and keep up that way. Right? I feel like the people that you actually want to see, you are able to get together with or even just have a FaceTime.

And then you can avoid the weird aunt or uncle or the people that always bring up conversations surrounding politics. I was watching a video the other day, and it was of a family getting into the car. And they said, okay. We're headed to dinner with these family members. What conversations are we not going to bring up?

And every single member of the family said what they weren't going to bring up. And one of them said, I'm not gonna bring up, Trump and Harris. The next one said, I'm not going to bring up gay rights. The next one said, I'm not going to bring up this and this and that. And then they filmed themselves coming back into the car after they had gone to the family reunion, and they're all they were all like, mom, dad, you guys didn't stay away from the topics.

You guys caused so much commotion, and they were like, I wasn't trying to. They started talking about it, and I really couldn't just let them say the things that they were saying. And, anyways, it's always the same old story, isn't it? If those boundaries aren't going to be able to happen because of other family just not really caring about the uncomfortableness about it. I mean, breaking news.

Not everybody wants every conversation to be surrounded with the current world events. I know. Very, very, very shocking. This is something that none of our families are probably aware of yet, and that's okay. Maybe now we can tell them.

But I think having boundaries of which conversations you're willing to have is important before you walk into the room because this will leave you less drained and less validated because of your life decisions. Oversharing about your life, oversharing about your dreams and your goals, that is always going to change. Our dreams and goals are always shifting and growing and molding into different things, especially because from the time you're going to see somebody, maybe your cousin, to the next reunion, well, maybe you've tried a 100 different things in between then, but they're still thinking that you're all the way back on plan a. And they're asking you, okay. So did you graduate or this or that?

And then you might feel like you have to explain yourself. And when you're close to people, this isn't something that's hard. But when you're not close to certain family members and you're expected to play that role or to keep up with the Joneses in a kind of way, it just brings in so much unwanted unwanted energy and leaves you feeling drained. And I honestly feel like if you don't enjoy being with these family members, then don't go. And maybe maybe someone will call you and say, hey.

Why didn't you show up? I missed you. And then you know who actually wanted to hang out with you, and you guys can have a phone call or go to lunch or something. That seems more intentional in my opinion. I do know that family reunions, especially as an adult, take a lot of sacrifice.

You know, you have to take off time at work. Usually, you're traveling. So why do all that if you are not going to be feeling recharged after it? Just not worth it in my opinion. Okay.

So this next one says, I've started working from home full time and I need to start getting some physical activity in. I used to travel across campuses for university, lots of walking, and my previous job was physically demanding, So I didn't really put any time aside and actively invested in my physical health by going to the gym. Now I'm not sure what to do or where to start. My main issue is that I don't have anyone to go to the gym with, and I'm a fairly anxious person. I have asthma, which makes intense workouts a big no no, like running.

I'm also fairly self conscious as I've been unwell a lot in the past year and have gained weight that I'm uncomfortable with. I feel like I have more mental blocks than physical, and I'm not sure how to break through them. How did you start? What do you wear? What did you do?

Have you ever had this experience? So I have three tips for you. You will need to spend some time in the gym being uncomfortable before you get comfortable. I know that that sounds really basic, but my advice to beginners that are anxious is to show up and walk on the treadmill because, typically, the cardio machines are gonna be towards the back of the gym, and, usually, they look out on the gym. So you can kind of people watch or you can zoom in on your own thing on a book or on a show.

I would honestly do a show or a podcast or some music because reading on a treadmill is not something I have ever been able to do. You'll eventually feel more comfortable and ready to venture out into different areas in in the gym. If you keep going and you keep going to that area with the treadmill, I mean, maybe then you can go back into a more quieter part of the gym and do some core. And maybe you're just using one single kettlebell and you do some kettlebell workouts. I just find that, especially when I started, I stuck to I stuck to very specific things for a long time until I felt comfortable with them.

And then I moved on to the next thing. There's no there's no problem with just going to the gym and walking on the treadmill. I mean, if you don't want to be in the gym space, period, you can always go walking outside. But I'm gonna tell you something. I switched to a new gym in November because I moved, as you all know, and there is a basement to my gym.

And it wasn't until literally 2 weeks ago that I started going down there to do a few exercises because it kinda freaked me out. It's dark. It's dusty. It's it's just like a weird basement looking thing. I have posted about it on my Instagram stories before, so you might have seen it.

But I was just like, I'm never going down into that dungeon, but it actually comes in handy. It's come in handy for walking lunges. It's come in handy for band work because for some reason, I feel weird doing bands up above. I don't know why. I think it's because the only space to do band work is in the weights area.

And so, yeah, I've been going down into the dungeon and doing it, and it took me 8 months to feel comfortable with that. And so just don't beat yourself up. Go into the gym always with a plan. If you're not gonna be walking on the treadmill, have a very specific workout that you can do, and maybe stick with a few really simple things first. Grab 2 dumbbells and just stick with those for the whole time, or use a kettlebell, or you can do what I did when I first started going to the gym ever and use the machines and just go up and down the row of machines until you become familiar with each machine and what muscle group it's working.

There's really no other way to become comfortable in a new area unless you put in the time. When you get in those hours I'm I'm not even kidding. When you get in those hours there, you become more and more comfortable. Right? It's just like anything in life.

When you move to a new area and you haven't been to a grocery store and you're walking around literally feeling like you're on an Easter egg hunt, hunting for the golden goose egg just to find out that it's not in this grocery store. It's at a completely different one because there's a 100 different versions of grocery stores. Can you tell I'm speaking from experience? I literally have 4 grocery stores within a 2 mile radius of me. One block, there are 3 of them.

On one block, there are 3 grocery stores. And so don't beat yourself up if you're a beginner and you have anxiety over it and you don't have any friends to go with you. I have a family member with asthma, and just avoid running for now. Yeah. Stick with the cardio machines and have realistic expectations of yourself.

You're not going to be going in there throwing around weights within the 1st week. Let yourself relax into it. That's the best way to start building a new habit. Otherwise, you're just gonna dread it every time. Another thing that I would recommend is to wear really comfortable clothes, especially if you're feeling self conscious.

For me, even when I was competing, there came a point where I had gotten so thin where I felt like I didn't have a butt anymore because my fat was, like, essentially gone. So I was just left with my muscle. And, yeah, there was some good muscle there, but my legs were super skinny is how I was judging myself. And so I kept focusing on that during my workouts and kind of became a little bit self conscious. So I just kind of started wearing sweats to the gym because they're loose, and they are able to just kind of allow me to not look in the mirror and see that every time.

Instead, I can be focusing on my lifts. Same thing with t shirts. If you're feeling uncomfortable with your upper body, it's not a bad thing to just throw on an oversized t shirt. And then eventually, you know, maybe if you wanted to, you can work your way to a tank top. If you don't want to, you don't have to.

I actually don't remember the last time that I wore a sports bra or a tank top in the gym. I've been wearing a t shirt for the last 2 years, and I think it's more a habit than anything now. And it's just what I'm comfortable in. And so, yeah, just have realistic expectations of yourself. You're not gonna go in and feel like a superhero for probably the 1st several months, but I promise once you get going and you get into that habit and that routine, you will feel so much better so much better.

Okay. This one says, I just went on the most amazing date. I woke up this morning super excited. I did my makeup super bomb. I never wear full makeup to work, LOL, in anticipation because I wanted to look and feel beautiful.

I wore the cutest little black dress and golden sandals. I was really feeling myself. Work went by so slow. All I could think of was my day afterwards. I wanted to leave early, but I wasn't able to.

Eventually, the clock struck 5, and I was free to go. I got to the restaurant, my favorite sushi restaurant ever, and got seated quickly at the bar because there were not a lot of people there yet. I ate an amazing 10 course sushi dinner. Ten courses? I wanna go to that sushi restaurant.

Each course each course was so delicious and flavorful. I savored a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, I I don't know how to say that, And enjoyed my meal and surroundings. Oh, who was my date, you ask? Me. I was my date.

I took myself out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, and I loved every second of it. I got to savor and enjoy every taste of food and not have to talk to anybody or feel self conscious. I'd always been afraid of dining out alone, but now it's become one of my favorite activities. I will no longer stay home bored and depressed simply because I don't have another person to go out with me. Y'all, if you don't take yourself on some dates, start doing it.

It feels so good to do something nice for yourself. Amen. I tried this for the very first time when we were living in Pittsburgh for summer sales. Caden wasn't available to go with me to brunch, and I thought, you know what, Hannah? Why don't you take yourself?

And so I did. And what I found is that, usually, when you ask for a table for 1, they'll put you in a nice area that's perfect for privacy but also good for people watching. And in that specific scenario, I had brought my AirPods, and I just listened to music. I've also brought a book to my own dinner before. You know, you can listen to music, a podcast.

It's really freeing, and you get to channel your inner mysterious energy because everyone will kind of notice. Not everyone will notice, but people will probably notice that you're eating alone, and they're probably really thinking, okay. That's cool. I wanna be that mysterious. Who is she?

Who is she so confident to go to a restaurant, eat on her own? I want to be like her. I was actually inspired by someone that I had seen doing it previously. I just thought, you know what? That's such a power move and such a confidence builder, and it's really good to spend time on your own.

And, you know, it's kinda like when you're reading a book at the beach. That's how you feel. You kinda feel, I don't know, elevated. Like, yeah, I can entertain myself. I'm comfortable on my own.

And I personally want to get to the point where I don't have to use headphones or a book, and I can just sit with my thoughts and the food because that sounds like a really grounding experience. I haven't tried it yet, and we'll update you if I do. But for anyone listening who hasn't taken themselves on a date, do it. Take yourself on a solo date and share how it goes. I wanna hear.

Coffee dates, a personal coffee date, I feel like that's something that's the easiest, of course, but I'm also pretty sure that everyone listening has probably already tried that. I mean, going out for coffee on your own isn't anything, you know, new or monumental. But if you haven't, it's really fun just to go to the cafe, grab a snack. You could go there and work. You could do schoolwork.

That's kinda why I'm assuming that everyone has probably had some sort of scenario like this because, actually, I don't know why why I would assume that. I mean, just because I went to school for a year doesn't mean that and everybody else also went to school for a year or for 4 years, whatever. But, yeah, it's something that's really fun, and I love that submission. So thank you for sharing. Okay.

So this one says, when I was a new mom at 24 years old with a 1 year old kid, I looked younger than I was. I doubt I would have been able to do things requiring one to be 18 years old without proof of ID. I lived kind of off the city the city center, and my kid went to daycare in the city center. So every day, I would ride the tram with a young toddler to nursery and back again. An older woman who lived a little bit nearer to the city center than me would ride the tram too with her bike, so we had to share the space for wheeled vehicles inside the tram.

Once she murmured into the void just loud enough for me to hear and a few other people here too, pretty sure there were teenagers in earshot to hear, too young to have a baby, too dumb, filthy babies, and other offensive stuff. I don't know the exact words anymore. It was a few years ago. I was enraged, but didn't know a good comeback. Maybe said something impulsive, felt bad, and went home.

Then a few days later, we shared the tram again, and I used this opportunity to explain to my kid out loud that there are poor people in this world that don't have anybody to love them, and they are all alone. I didn't try to talk quietly, but rather loud enough so she could hear me. After that, when I was already in the tram, she somehow lost interest in taking this exact tram. I hope she didn't harass anybody else after that. Oh, you know what?

Normalize being mean to people that are mean to you. Can we normalize that this year, defending yourself? I don't know. Call it passive aggressive. Call it karma.

I think that you're totally right to say that, and I think it's hilarious. Because first of all, she has no business doing that. And who knows? Maybe she has a partner at home. But, yeah, I am that person where if something uncomfortable happens to me, usually, it's not till I'm in the shower later that evening where I come up with the exact thing to say.

Or my head lays down on the pillow, and I am sitting there stewing over it. Now I try to get over things a little bit quicker than that, but it's true. It happens sometimes, and so I applaud you. Okay. This next story submission starts with no one showed up to my birthday party.

Sorry. This is a little long, but I'm super bummed out and kind of in disbelief at how much of a failure my birthday party was last weekend. For context, I invited about 9 female friends out for a girls' night on my birthday. It was to a ticketed event at a club downtown. I sent out invites 3 weeks in advance and made sure everyone knew the location, time, price, etcetera.

Naturally, I expected a couple people to be busy, but, initially, everyone said they were free and really excited about it. I did have a couple people text to cancel a few days before, but everyone else continued to say they were going and looking forward to it. This group included old friends I've had for years and new friends I've only known for a couple months or so. It's finally the day of the party, and I'm getting ready and noticed my phone is pretty dry. Nobody is texting to confirm or ask about times or parking or anything.

I get there a little on the earlier side and still nothing. So I just start to assume they want to come a little later since the event ran from 6 PM to 11 PM. I get a couple of last minute texts during the party from people saying that they can't make it, which is starting to get really discouraging. To make it worse, another girl who I really anticipated on coming texted me at 8 PM saying happy birthday, but she can't make it and doesn't give a reason. The other few people literally just ghosted me.

No happy birthday texts or anything. They just didn't show up even though I confirmed with them the day before at work. I spent weeks planning and choosing the place, picking my outfit. I even handmade friendship bracelets for everyone. My one friend tried to salvage the night and cheer me up, which worked in the moment, and I'm so grateful for her.

But, honestly, thinking back on the night makes me feel hurt and embarrassed and, like, nobody cares. I get that things happen, and maybe some of my friends weren't feeling up to it after confirming initially. But why couldn't they have just communicated that? Also, this was a ticketed event, which makes me believe that no one even bought a ticket in the first place. I'm trying not to make it a bigger deal than it is, but, seriously, what the heck?

Okay. This breaks my heart, And I feel like this is an issue in our times right now because it is so easy to send, and I'm sorry. I can't make it text. Whereas in the olden times, at least I'm guessing, right, you couldn't cancel so easily. If you RSVP'd over a letter or in person, well, you can't send a letter and have it be delivered within just an hour of an event to let them know that you're not coming anymore.

And if you did cancel, you probably had to cancel in person, which feels worse than just attending. Or maybe you went for a little bit and stayed as long as you could. This is all hypothetical since none of us have even lived through that hypothetical time of not having technology. I mean, technically, we did as kids, but it's not really relevant in this scenario. But I feel like this just goes to show how important it is to keep plans that you make with people because it is valuable to be a dependable person.

It can eventually break trust if you're continually canceling and rescheduling and not keeping your word. And, you know, we all have certain levels of anxiety with going out these days, and it takes courage to plan out an event like that in the first place. It does. And so imagine if your friend plans an event and maybe they had anxiety about doing it, and they invited you, and you were going to go, and then you end up canceling. And it's no big deal for you because you just have to send a simple text.

I had this happen once where one time there was an event I was planning on going, but I had had so much anxiety while driving there that I even I even got there and I was in the parking lot and I turned around and drove right back home. Because at that time, I was thinking, you know what? This is ridiculous that I have this much anxiety. I need to honor my body, listen to my body and go home and relax and figure this out. But I saw later on that nobody even ended up attending at all.

And I felt kind of sick to my stomach because I contributed to that experience. And sometimes the anxiety that we're feeling leading up to an event is our brain reacting out of fear rather than logic. And it's really hard to separate that between anxiety that is actually protecting you and anxiety that's just happening because you're leaving your house. And, unfortunately, in 2020, we all got so used to not leaving our house that it is more uncomfortable to leave it than it is to just sit around all day, which is crazy and not good for our anxiety and not good for our mental health. And so I just feel like nowadays, I try so hard not to be that person rescheduling, not to be that person who doesn't show up to events.

In fact, I will always show up to an event if I am invited, if I am I wasn't gonna say the word invited. If I have RSVP'd and if I'm planning on it, unless something happens, of course. Like, for example, I was supposed to be flying home for 2 weddings in Utah, and, unfortunately, someone close to me passed away. And so now I can't go to that first wedding, and it's a family wedding. And I feel really bad not attending it.

But in, you know, the funeral, it's it's something where you kind of have to pick and choose at that point. And for me, I know I would really, really regret not going to the funeral. And so, obviously, there's going to be times in which it is necessary, but there's also times in which it's like, okay. Yeah, Hannah. You might have just started your cycle.

Does that mean that you can't go and hang out with someone or go to a dinner for an hour and a half? No. Who knows how much your friend needs it? You know what I mean? Who knows how much your friend or your family member or whoever invited you has been looking forward to this and has planned their entire schedule around it, not to mention the plans that they could have had if you would have given them a much further ahead of time notice that you weren't going.

That also kills me. It's like, if you know you don't wanna go, just say you can't attend in the 1st place or say it as soon as you know so that they're able to make other plans. And don't leave it as a last minute. Hey. I got caught up in 2 hours of traffic, and I'm gonna miss it.

It's like, come on now. You did not get caught up in 2 hours of traffic. You are running 2 hours late or you're just sitting on your couch and you don't wanna go. I mean, like they said, just let me know and be honest. You know, communicate that.

I think that's really the biggest takeaway from this submission. Okay. So I saw this post the other day that I loved so much and I have to share it. This is a submission, by the way. Yeah.

They say, I saw a post the other day I loved so much that I have to share. And the post says, daughter tells me she heard today that if you wear a band t shirt, especially as a young woman, and a man says to you, name 5 of their songs. The correct response is, name 5 women who trust you. So I pass this on in case any of you need it. And I think that's hilarious because most of the time, the men that are asking these questions are like old men.

So, yeah, name 5 women that trust you, bro. Don't don't question me about my band tee. You know full well that I don't know any songs, and you're just trying to embarrass me. Oh my goodness. Thank you for that.

Thank you for that. Okay. This next one says, I'm really frustrated with how my husband has been handling my food preferences. He constantly says that I don't like anything and gets upset when I can't eat certain foods. It's not that complicated.

I generally can't stand spicy, sweet and sour, like in Chinese food, I don't like the sweetness of my main dish, or acidic foods. I also hate raw tomatoes and calamari. I always cook, and at restaurants, there's always something I can enjoy. That's basically all he needs to remember. I don't think I'm too picky.

He says it's difficult because of these exceptions. Like, I only like pineapple and oranges when they're sweet. I can discern if they will be sweet or acidic so I can choose them when I buy them. But what's so hard about that? If they're not sweet, they're acidic, and I don't like acidic food.

His bosses recently offered to buy something for me when they were out, and my husband chose sweet and sour chicken that usually I don't like. But one time I mentioned there was an exception for a certain restaurant. This time, the dish was both spicy and sour. I tried to eat it because he'd already bought it, but I just couldn't. He got mad and told me to throw it out then.

To clarify, I don't like sweetness in my main dish. So no sugar, lime, or too much spicy in my dishes. And I've told him this literally many times. The issue is he got mad because I did not eat the food he brought. It was just too spicy for me.

Okay. This is what it sounds like to me because you did say a lot of different preferences. You said I can eat pineapples and oranges when they're sweet, which who's eating, you know, acidic pineapples and oranges? I mean, obviously, they're going to have some acidity to, like, to them, but I'm pretty sure everyone wants a nice ripe pineapple and orange, so that makes sense. You also don't like spicy food.

That makes sense. I don't either. And then you don't like sweet and sour. That's really what it sounds like. Oh, and then you don't like too much lime or too much sugar.

Okay. All of these just sound like you have a palate where you've had good foods before, and you know what you like and what you don't like. You don't like sweet and sour chicken, and that's exactly what he got you. So if you have food preferences, in my opinion, you have to say what you want. And it sounds like you did, but sometimes you have to give the exact list.

Keep it on a notes tab on your phone if you need to, especially if you're sensitive to too much lime or too much sugar. Some restaurants just make things so much more acidic or sweet than others. I feel like Pad Thai is one of those scenarios. I've had Pad Thai in so many different flavors. I swear there's a 100 different ways to make Pad Thai, and I really don't like it when it's, like, a sweet and sour Pad Thai.

I prefer a Pad Thai drenched in peanut sauce, for example. But, no, I don't want lime in my pad thai. Does that make me picky? I don't know. I feel like you should enjoy what you're eating.

But, also, your husband should know. Right? Like, I know what Kaden likes and what he doesn't like. And lastly, consideration is one of the highest forms of love. And when you don't feel considered, and in this case, with food, it makes sense why it felt hurtful, especially if you stated your preferences a lot.

But sometimes we have to keep in mind that people just forget, and so we have to know the context. But I don't like that you said that he got mad and told you to throw it out then because it's just not that serious. I I don't know why anyone would be mad at someone for their for their palate. I would never be mad at Kaden because he doesn't like cilantro because it tastes like soap. So I'm not gonna just, like, throw my hands up and be like, okay.

Well, that sucks. I mean, I get it because I've had people complain about my food preferences and, you know, when I was vegetarian. Rip. Basically, I've had people complain about that for so many years. In fact, my lovely husband didn't love the fact that I was vegan or vegetarian, and he would always say, Hannah, you should try this.

And, you know, this year, it actually stopped. This year, it did stop, but I also started eating it again. So jokes on me. Okay. This next story says, hi.

I feel like I have already outgrown the town that I live in. I am almost 30 years old now, and I've been here since birth. I'd worked in another city and stayed there almost 5 years, but I still went home every weekend for my mom. I really feel like I don't belong here anymore. Nothing excites me, not the place, not even the people in it.

Aside from this, I feel like this town hasn't changed in decades. It's the same little town. I want to leave permanently, but my mom is here. She loves it here. Also, if I leave, where do I go?

How do I start? These are the things that go on in my mind. Leaving your hometown can feel really scary, especially if you've never done it before, but you have. And you did it for almost 5 years. And in my opinion, if your mom isn't, you know, depending on you, if she doesn't have any major health concerns, then it's time to live your life.

And, also, even if that was the case, it's still time to live your life. Obviously, taking her into consideration is important and good. But if she's fine, it kinda sounds like she just doesn't wanna leave where she's at. I mean, she's had plenty of years in that town anyway. So if she wants to end up moving where you are, I think that that's fair as well.

You know, it's not fair for parents to expect kids to just stay in the town that they grew up in. I don't know if that's your case, But I have found that traveling is a really good way to figure out what you want. You know, if it's actually to leave town and to move out of your hometown or if you're looking for a temporary sense of adventure and excitement, traveling can also help you figure out if you prefer the city or small towns. And so write down a list of the things and places where you wanna go and start checking them off and kind of think of the people that you enjoy being around and what your vibe is because it is scary. I mean, speaking firsthand, even if you do move and you don't like it, you can always go back.

You can always go back. And so it's a bigger what if if you never go. You know? You you'll be living with a much bigger what if and maybe some regrets potentially later on if you never give it a shot. So wishing you the best of luck.

This one says, here is a secret I'm taking to the grave. I had a really, really good friend, she and her boyfriend of nearly 4 years. She told me she loved him, but he sucked at sex. So she has been sleeping with a coworker. I ended up making a fake email and emailing her boyfriend to tell him to look through her phone and watch her closely.

He ended up catching her. She told me, he found out. He told me that someone told him, and she was sobbing and hugging me. Little did she know it was me. LOL.

Don't cheat. You know, it might be a hot take, but if I ever knew that somebody was getting cheated on, I would absolutely tell them because cheating is never okay. Even if it was my bestest friend in the world, I would find some way to tell their partner because this is the thing. It's not that makes you an accomplice, in my opinion. That makes you an accomplice.

If if somebody knew if, let's say, Kayden was cheating on me and somebody knew, I would feel so hurt if I was not told. And I would feel like I wasted years years of my life, and it would make me even more mad. And so, yeah, cheating is just never okay, and I would do the same thing. Is that a hot take? I'm not too sure.

Okay. The submission says, I work on a team. There's multiple teams in our company, and I recently got moved from my team where I was the only woman because a man who has had multiple HR complaints about his inappropriate behavior was getting put onto my crew that was all men. So, basically, I was displaced because a man couldn't not be a creep. Wow.

That kinda feels like a really good lawsuit waiting to happen. You're telling me that you were on a team, and they moved someone over to your team that you were on first who has an issue with inappropriate behavior, and so they moved you. You were displaced. That is absolutely wild. It's wild that they're still keeping him around.

First of all, why why is that happening? I would be pissed. I would be mad. Okay. This one says, 2 weeks after ending oh, I am 2 weeks after ending in 8th month 8 month situationship.

Okay, Hannah. We can speak. I'm still convincing myself that I deserve better and that setting boundaries isn't a bad thing. He was the first one who said the l word to me, and I said it back. I'm trying to build myself back to who I was before meeting him with some extra life lessons.

I'm also feeling a little bit lonely because friends are not as invested in me as I am in them. Lessons upon lessons upon lessons in a very short period of time, and I think I need a break. You know, if you felt an inkling that you deserved more, then you absolutely made the right decision knowing that you deserve more and that setting boundaries is good. And it sounds like you're the one that ended it because you said you're trying to convince yourself that you deserve more and that setting boundaries isn't a bad thing. So what I'm guessing is is you try to set boundaries and they weren't respected, and maybe they were walked all over.

Who knows? I'm just speculating at this point. But, you know, the fact that you even called it a situationship, 8 months, it kinda makes me feel like you weren't ever appreciated fully in the first place. Because, listen, if they can't ask you to be their partner officially or have that desire to be exclusive after 8 months, come on. You do deserve so much better.

Take yourself on a date and get a dog. Only if it's only if it's the right time and place though. Okay? Dogs are the best. They're the best companion, but, yeah, has to be the right time and place.

It's a big responsibility. Not that any of you guys don't know that. Okay. So job boundaries. I set a boundary at work yesterday through saying no to a project.

One that I'd initially considered saying yes to, but then became too overwhelmed and stressed out. And I was so proud of myself for looking out for my wellness. It felt scary to do so as a chronic people pleaser, but the world didn't end, and it was a huge relief. I feel very emboldened to keep trying to maintain healthy boundaries in my work and personal life. Claps all around for you, girlfriend.

Job boundaries are hard, especially if you're considering a raise and they're adding on more responsibilities. I've been talking to some girlfriends that I've made here, and a lot of them are in that position now where they're switching jobs or they're asking for raises. And a lot of times what they'll try to do is add more responsibilities with a raise, and that's not really a raise. That's just compensating you for the additional work, or they'll just add on more responsibilities and not even give you a raise. And that's when you have to ask, okay.

What's the compensation plan for the additional work and responsibilities that you've given to me? Or if they want you to train somebody and that's not even a part of your job description, yes. Totally. I'd love to. What's the compensation for training an employee?

I don't know. I just feel like so many so many job boundaries are hard. So I'm just glad that you're feeling super stoked about it. Okay. We only have 2 more stories left.

This one says, my hair is at the awkward length phase. I absolutely hate it and usually put a baseball cap on if I go out. I don't know how to style it, so I've been using small butterfly hair clips lately, and it's been a big confidence booster since a lot of strangers have been giving me compliments. Applause to you. Applause to you because butterfly clips are so stinking cute.

I've been wanting to try them. And, also, I feel like I'm at an awkward hair phase as well, so I can relate. It's the absolute worst when you feel like your hair is not doing what you want it to, when it's at that awkward length, when you're trying to figure out your hair texture, which as you guys know has been my journey as of late. If you haven't seen it, go to my Instagram because I post pictures of my blowouts. I will literally do a blowout on my hair.

I'm in North Carolina for, you know, for background, and it's it is humid. Is it the most humid place in the world? No. But it is absolutely more humid than I've ever been used to living somewhere long term. I was in Corpus Christi, Texas.

That was extremely humid. And Chicago, also extremely humid. But 247 living here, you know, the past 9 months, it has shocked me. And I will take 2 steps outside after doing my hair. It will basically blow up.

I will look like I have been electrocuted for 48 straight hours with no signs of it stopping. So, yeah, we're figuring it out, but I completely completely understand what that's like. Okay. This is the very last story submission. It says, I have a best friend, and we've been best friends since we were 12 years old.

We've gone through all the ups and downs and have navigated life together. However, I sometimes get this minor jealous feeling. It comes and go it comes and goes in waves. The thing is she's prettier and richer than me, has a better job, has had at least 3 boyfriends. I have never had a relationship in my life.

She can do a lot of things that I can't do because my illness prohibits me, and now she's getting married to a smart and rich guy. She just got a big proposal in a foreign country with a big, huge ring. She keeps talking about it. And though it makes me happy to see her get married, it makes me feel really bad about myself. No.

My self worth is not based on a guy, but it still hurts. I know it's bad, and I question myself as to what kind of friend I am. I love her, but I don't know what to do. Am I in the wrong? Is this normal?

Well, first of all, jealousy is a very normal feeling. It's just what we do with it that matters. You know, what's not okay is to act on feelings of jealousy towards somebody, but you haven't done that. So the only thing I can say is to give yourself a second to feel jealous and to process your emotions. Because a lot of times, we can look at jealousy and it can show us how we're feeling about our own life, which is not fun to do.

But maybe you're just feeling more so disappointment that your life isn't on the exact same timeline as hers. Or maybe you're mourning that your life hasn't been exactly what you expected and you're feeling a rush of urgency to catch up. Either way, comparing yourself is something that we all do, whether it's intentional or unintentional, especially with social media. It's so much easier. But the good thing is is that when you're jealous or when you're disappointed, these are all emotions, and we have the power to create a different outcome with our emotions.

You could use jealousy as motivation and maybe change the outlook to to being inspired by her. And so instead of being jealous, maybe you feel inspired and, you know, you can use it to motivate you. I really like the analogy that we are all tending to our own gardens. And if you are focused on your own garden, you water it, you tend to it in the seasons of rain, snow, and sunshine. And as you tend to it and as it grows, you'll attract butterflies.

And there are 100 of thousands of millions of butterflies in the world. There's enough to go around. But if you're focused on everybody else's gardens and you're constantly looking over there, you're going to miss when when yours needs to be watered, and you're not gonna give it that time and care and attention that it needs. And you're not gonna eat. You're not, jeez, tripping over my words.

You're not going to end up seeing the butterflies even if they do come in for a brief moment or even if they are there because your eyes are always somewhere else. And I get it. It's not easy, especially when it's someone that you've been close to for a long time and it looks like they've got everything in the bag. And I know that you already know this, but there are always silent struggles that people are going through. So we don't always know what's going on, and sometimes it can look like someone's living this perfect, incredible life.

And, hey, maybe they are. Maybe they are. And it's okay to feel a little bit jealous at times, but it's also good to be a supportive friend. And so getting to the place where you can then become supportive and and whatnot like I was saying, there's enough butterflies to go around. Okay.

So this is going to conclude today's episode. This is my first time doing love notes and hate mail. And so I would really, really appreciate any feedback you have. If you liked it, if you didn't like it, if you have any suggestions, the submission form is always live. It's in the link of my bio, so you can always submit your love notes and hate mail as they come in.

You can even submit, like, 10 of them if you wanted to. No. Just kidding. But, yeah, feel free to submit any and all thoughts on life and where you are mentally. I have loved today's episode.

It's just been fun talking about all these different topics and a little bit refreshing to go outside of our normal structure for a Thursday episode. So I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope you have the most wonderful weekend, and I will catch up with you next week. Byeeeeeee!