Burn The Ground and Salt The Earth

It seems like we are all crashing out. But let's be real, sometimes, you need to torch everything and jump off the cliff with zero clue on where you'll land.  I'll walk you through the levels of crash out's and what can happen after. This one's part pep talk, part reality check, and maybe the push you need to finally trust yourself. Hope you enjoy!

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Transcript

Hi. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. This episode is coming out really late on Thursday. I did not prerecord because I am sick. I thought it would be over by now.

I was hoping to record earlier in the week, and then it got pushed back, and then here I am. So if I end up being more monotone than I typically am or my voice just goes out, I just I apologize in advance. Or if I need a cough or get a drink, you you know what's up. So yeah. Anyways, today today, we're talking about starting from scratch.

We're talking about knowing when to quit, the power of a fresh start, and the levels of crashing out from a fellow crash router because there's been lots of changes in my life at least. And I kinda take a look around sometimes, and I'm thinking, is everybody crashing out right now? Are we all crashing out? Is everyone going through a massive life change or life realization at the moment, well, perfect, because we are burning the ground and salting the earth, and that's what today's episode is gonna be about. So if that sounds interesting to you, then I think you'll enjoy today's episode.

And with that, I just wanted to say welcome back to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. I've been thinking about the phrase burn the ground and salt the earth. What does this mean? Well, let me tell you. Historically, it came from literal war tactics.

So they would destroy everything in their path, burning fields, homes, villages, and then they would salt the earth so that nothing could grow back. Essentially, it was this extreme and deliberate act of ensuring that even after you're gone, you're moving through this, there's nothing, not even crops, No communities. No water. No hope can take root again. But this phrase has kind of evolved into something more personal now, I would say, because now we can use it to describe the times when people destroy opportunities or maybe not destroy, maybe walk away from opportunities, chapters in their life with finality, relationships, and the finality that there's no chance of return.

It's not just burning bridges. It's standing there, watching them collapse into ash, and then pouring salt over the ruins to make sure that you can never rebuild and maybe to make sure that you never want to. And sounds extreme. I know. But I think we all have those moments or at least fantasize about them, you know, leaving a job or telling and telling everyone exactly what you think on your way out, ending that friendship with a dramatic text and never looking back.

Or maybe for you, burning the ground and salting the earth means walking away, period, because that's a big deal. So walking away from something, a dream, a relationship, even a version of yourself that you thought you had wanted, you thought and hoped it would be, and making sure that it stays gone and buried. It's almost about reclaiming your control amongst the chaos of life. But here's the thing. When you salt the earth, nothing can grow for a very, very long time.

Not the good, not the bad, no second chances, no reconciliations, no maybe one day, just emptiness. And sometimes, I think we need that. But other times, you can do it out of hurt or pride only to realize later that, you know, you've scorched more than you ever meant to. So what I've been asking myself is, when is the right time to burn the ground and salt the earth? To crash out, essentially.

And then when is it better to just walk away quietly and still, you know, leave the door unlocked just in case you wanna come back and plant something new? Well, I think the difference of that is your intention. It's protection and boundaries. So maybe that means that scorching the earth is necessary. And maybe in your terms in my terms, it's not, you know, out of ego or anger.

Because I find that if you make decisions out of ego and within anger I know I talked about in my last episode about how, like, anger is an important emotion to recognize but not to act through, and it definitely makes a difference on how you're acting on that decision. So, yeah, I think intention is everything. And I think there there are times where you've got to burn the ground and salt the earth and make sure that you're not going back to it, whether it is a job or relationship or maybe a city. Not literally, of course. We're not actually burning anything on this episode.

Okay? So moving forward, when is the right time to do this, to make that complete one eighty change or in today's area area in today's era, to crash out? My answer to that is always. It is always the time to crash out. So if you needed permission, this is your permission.

Now there are different levels to crashing out. So you can pick one. Pick a card, any card. There's three cards. There's three levels.

And the third level of crashing out is simple, and it is a mental breakdown. Now this one is a requirement for all crash outs. And the difference between level three and level one is that you don't change much about anything at this level. You have a mental breakdown, so you might go to bed a little bit earlier that night. Maybe before bed, you'll repost a few reels, talking shiz on your situation or anything like that, but or re repost TikToks, maybe favorite some reels now that everyone can see who likes what reels.

Did you guys know that? Yeah. Very interesting. But nothing too serious. Right?

You might even decide to do something productive after this mental breakdown, like booking a nail appointment or confirming that purchase that's been sitting in your cart on Amazon. And what you can say about this level three is you're standing back far enough away from this cliff, and you see it, but you're just you're just taking notes of it. You can see the cliff. You see the fence along the cliff, and you can't see what's past it at all. But you can see it, and you have some chances to steer clear.

So you do. You do steer clear, and a mental breakdown is as far as you get. Well, level two. The level two crash out is when you keep walking, when the cliff actually looks kinda nice. It's looking a little nice.

There might you kinda think that there might be some flowers out there, and you're like, you know what? I might be a little bit interested to see what these are. And to have a level two crash out, you've got to be dropping your job or dropping relationships. This is when it's starting to get real. You're walking over to not only the cliff, but to the part with the railing.

It's not the edge edge. You can almost see the bottom, but there's still a curve. There's still, you know, 10 or 15 feet you can't see past, and it's kinda giving you the jitters. You're feeling you're feeling a little bit of that, what is it called? Fear of heights kicking in a little bit.

And so at this point, you know, you feel that fear a little bit, and you're deciding to make one of two decisions, two big decisions. You're either dropping your job, quitting your career, or you're dropping a relationship, whether it's a friend, a family member, or a partner. This is real life stuff. And, of course, this happens after the mental breakdown because you have to have that happen very first. And you're quite unsure of how it's gonna look, but you do know what you know, and you know that whatever ish is going on is not what you want.

So you walk up to your boss, and you say, Hasta la vista, baby. I'm out of here. You go up to your partner and you say, hey. I know you're doing your best, but your best is unfortunately not what I need because you've been asking the wrong person. And these decisions oh, I guess then we have the friend one.

Right? You're going to your friend and you're saying this just isn't we're not compatible anymore. There's too many hurt feelings, and I'm having to move forward in a different direction without you. And these decisions, you cannot reverse, but you are still within the confines of safety. You're still behind this fence here overlooking the edge of the cliff.

You can always move back home to the safety of your parents. Right? You can always go back to your old job you had before this other one, or you have a minute to just breathe and think about what you want to do. Well, what's level one then? What is a level one crash out?

Well, level one crash out is dropping everything. You're dropping it all. You're moving. You're dropping your relationship, your career. You're moving cities, states, countries away.

And it's not about anybody else necessarily, but it's more so about leaving that version of yourself behind literally. And many people never hit a level one crash out, and that's why it's unique because we can't fully understand nor appreciate a person's capability to do a level one crash out. I'm always intrigued and respectfully respecting and humbled when when someone fulfills a level one crash out. Because it is it is absolutely a huge jump because that's what you're doing. You're walking up to the edge of the cliff.

You have no idea what the hell you were doing, which I don't think hell's a swear word. So I'm sorry. I'm gonna start saying it. I don't know. Someone please tell me why hell is a swear word.

So yeah. Anyways, you're walking up to the edge of the cliff, and you you have no idea what the hell you're doing. But you do know that the current fence is keeping you from where you need to go. So you run and you jump, sometimes with your eyes closed. And I'm not sitting here saying to do this.

Don't try this at home, kids. But it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And you're either doing the level one crash out by going ghost and moving in silence, or you're screaming it from the rooftops. And there's no there's no right or wrong answer.

If you're screaming it from the rooftops, people get to follow along by watching your stories. And they get to follow along by watching your crash out and then watching you rebuild. And, I mean, you know, I'm never moving in silence over here. You're always gonna know my thoughts. Everything's gonna be, posted live.

No. Just kidding. Usually, it's posted later on. But, yeah, basically, level one crash out is the biggest one. So what this has gotten me thinking about is not only the fact that I feel like I have successfully done all three of those at this point in my life.

It's just so necessary. And what I have to think about is the level of change that I am creating in my life is going to allow that exact level of change to come into it. So if you're stuck at level three, crash out, mental breakdown, and you just keep sticking at level three, and it's mental breakdown after mental breakdown after mental breakdown. Well, it might it might be time, sister, to move to a level two crash out where you drop your job, your career, or relationships, whether it's family, friends, drawing new boundaries, even maybe it's not even dropping the relationship, but it's creating new boundaries. Because you can see you can see over the railing, and you can see that if you don't move past it, nothing's gonna change.

Right? So you might continue to have mental breakdown after mental breakdown because if nothing changes, say it with me, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. This is a huge quote for me right now because I know I've shared like, I over the last year or actually several years, when I would look in the mirror and I'd literally not recognize myself anymore, I wasn't doing I didn't know what to do to get out of that space. And you don't know until you know. And when you know, you can know.

And if you know, you know. And then you can usually make steps and whatnot. But, anyways, there's that phase I feel like you slide into when you know you're either not doing what you need to be doing or you're staying where you don't belong or staying where you don't feel at peace. And at least for me, that can really, really, really affect my mental health. And where I'm at right now is I've made I've crashed out.

Mhmm. Very publicly, I know. And I've made the big changes in my life. And once you do make those changes, there's the point where you have to choose to make room for more because you have a lot of space. You have a lot of space in your heart.

You have a lot of space in your mind, in your routine, in your day, and you have to choose to make room for happiness and joy. Because what I have been learning is it's not just going to slide right in. It's not because you have to choose to let the sadness go. The the sadness has to go in order for joy to come. And the problem is the problem is is I am almost afraid of the good things.

Because if you're continually crashing out, which for me, it's felt like I've been crashing out since 2021. And if that stops, well, then it just sounds scary. Because if I can stay in depression and sadness, then I'm at a lower risk for bad things to happen. Right? Because if things can't get that good, then they can't get that bad again.

And but the problem is is bad things happen in life regardless. And I don't know. I just think that sometimes I subconsciously want to push away good things or good people because I'm almost afraid of it of, well, what if I don't deserve this in my life? Or what if they truly find out that I'm not actually a cool and and whatever kind of person? What if they because because in my mind, sometimes I'm like, am I a fraud?

You know what I mean? Even with fitness, I'm like, oh, no. Like, it's not that hard. I'm I'm just, like, lucky, whatever. No.

I'm not. This this was so hard. I know I've been saying this whole time that prep has been so easy and blah blah blah. I was fighting for my life for, like, the past three years. I every single day last year, I there was not really a single day I wanted to go to the gym.

And so maybe while this, quote, unquote, prep has been okay, last year was, like, literal hell. So I don't know why I am short changing myself. You know what I mean? And the issue is is you have to believe that you are worthy of the good things because bad things are always gonna happen in life regardless. And being single, I definitely think that you you have to learn how to be comfortable being alone.

And being alone, everyone always says, well, if you're alone and you get comfortable being alone, someone's gonna walk into your life when you least expect it and blah blah blah. But it's like, there's steps before that. You need to do things that make you feel alive. You need to really is the word relish? Relish in the fact that you're single?

Relish in being alone? Now I feel like I don't like what that word sounds like. Relish? What is the relish definition? It says okay.

I guess it is. Okay. Relish is a word that I can use here. What am I trying to say? I think that at this moment in time, I'm trying to learn to know myself and as much and to basically fill my life as much as I can on my own, which I know we talked about in the last few episodes.

Because I believe that when someone walks into your life, you want them to walk into your entire world. You don't want them to walk into a void. And same as me, if I walk into someone else's life, whether it's a friend or a partner or whatever, you wanna be walking into their world, not not a void. And so being able to successfully crash out and then move forward by, you know, doing things that make you feel alive and saying yes to last minute unplanned trips or events and basically living like Ferris Bueller. Right?

So what does this mean? What happens after the crash out? What happens when we're starting from scratch and when we finally knew when to quit and have this fresh start? Well, because we've burned the ground and salted the earth, we have so much more space now for unexpected things to happen and to grow. And I know this is sounding really cliche, but just allow it to happen.

Okay? So the first one, I kind of already skipped to this part, but the first thing that happens after we crash out is, yeah, you finally have that space to be alone and you enjoy it. And at first, it's kinda weird and uncomfortable and quiet because you can feel like maybe you did mess up. You know, the empty calendar, the lack of distractions, but then that silence does slowly turn into peace, and you have room to breathe and just be. You can fill your life with all these new little rituals that make you feel like you.

Walking with music or without music, slow mornings where you take thirty minutes to wake up in bed and to open your eyes. I don't know about you, but I'm not somebody that can just have an alarm go off and then open my eyes and hop up. I appreciate a very slow morning. So if that means that I need to allow myself an extra thirty minutes to wake up, then that's what I have to do. Because even if I do jump out of bed, my brain won't be working for the next thirty minutes, so I'll be just as productive as if I'm lying in my bed.

But, anyways, yeah, reading books that you care about, watching TV shows that you never been able to watch before, this alone time can become the foundation for decisions that are chosen from fullness and not that lack that I was referring to before. And the issue of, I think, getting to this point of being alone is the fear of crashing out, I think, can be the fear of crashing out. Everyone's like, I've never heard of that. Well, okay. The fear of, like, basically taking steps that's gonna change things in your life.

A lot of times, we don't want to because of the fear of being alone. But not being afraid of being alone is so important because I think when you're afraid of being alone, you are not able to make a clear headed decision because you're making a decision out of attachment to something, whatever that is. Whether it's family, maybe you don't wanna move out of your parents' house, whether it's friends, you can't let go of this friend group even though you know that they're toxic for you, whatever it is. But how are you supposed to make a clear headed decision if you're only focused on getting the other people around you to notice you and to accept you? So I don't know.

I just thought that was an interesting little note that I had in my notes today because I've definitely had a huge fear of being alone. And it wasn't until that fear was outweighed for when I was, you know, ready to move forward with that. So, yeah, the next one. The next exciting thing that happens after a crash out is that you get to reintroduce yourself to you. So who are you without that job title, without that relationship, without that old city or town?

You get to finally discover your preferences and your desires that you forgot that you had. You can dress differently. Your playlists can change. Your grocery lists can change. I mean, it's exciting.

This is the rebuilding phase, and it makes it so that you can feel good and supported on your own. And I think that's one of the most exciting yet scary parts, of course, because if you make your relationship your entire personality, if you make your relationship with anyone your entire personality, even with your boss. You know what I mean? Like, your relationship at work, it's it becomes something to fill that lack that you feel that you have in your life. So then when it's gone, you might have an even bigger hole than you expected, and that can feel a little bit scary.

But you just have to go and choose to fill it with things that you love and hobbies that you've always wanted to do. Okay. The third one. Third thing that happens when you crash out is that random ideas will begin to come to you. Because when you clear out any stagnant routines or toxic jobs or people, your brain finally has space to wander.

It has space to wander and to think. So maybe you end up starting a side hustle or an Etsy shop, or maybe you start writing the book you've been thinking about for years or doing pottery classes. Your creativity actually gets to begin because, again, you have space for it, and creative ideas love and need space in order to grow. Next thing that happens is new people are able to enter your life. This is exciting.

Whether you're moving to a new city or switching jobs or even just showing up at new events out of boredom, well, now suddenly you're meeting people who open doors for you, and you end up connecting to people and events and opportunities that you didn't even know existed. And this is exciting. You know what I mean? You can meet people in ways that you've never even thought you would. And these relationships always feel natural and exciting and not forced.

And they were only able to come in because you've made space in your life for them and because you basically start saying yes, which is number five. I have 10 things on this list of things that happen when you crash out. Is you're able to start saying yes to last minute plans or random trips or opportunities because I feel like in the back of your mind, whether you've left a job or a person or friends or something, their opinions always matter to you, of course. You know, they're people that you love in your life. But now your opinion of yourself and your decisions are what matters the most.

So maybe things you would have said no to before now feel actually adventurous or something you really want to experience. And when you slowly start doing it, the trust that you have in yourself ends up growing. And that's number six. So trust in yourself grows. Because I think the main point of a crash out is you feel lost.

You feel so lost. But then suddenly, you know, we're down to number six. You realize that you're doing it, and your trust is growing. You're handling change. You've shown it.

You survived the jump, and now you're gonna survive again. And you're figuring out day by day because alright. How corny can we make this? Because when you jumped off that cliff past the past the gate, you realized there was a freaking trampoline at the bottom, and it kaboomed you up to an even higher cliff with an even better viewpoint. Wow.

Look at that. Anyways, you begin to trust yourself more, and you feel braver and braver in smaller ways that begin to add up. It's almost like when you travel. A lot of times, I think people can be scared of traveling outside the country because, I mean, what? Number one, you don't know the language.

Number two, how are you gonna figure anything out? How are you gonna do the transportation? How are you gonna pay for things? How are you gonna communicate with your phone? All the things.

But once you do it one time, you realize, oh, wait. This is really simple. It just takes a little bit of planning. And English is the world's language, so you're typically going to be okay there. If not, there's Google Translate.

There's all those things, and you can figure it out with your cell phone plan and whatever else. But it ends up being the feeling ends up being so great because you trust yourself to make those big decisions, and you know that you can handle what happens. You know that if you miss your train in a in a Switzerland or Germany or you miss the taxi in Mexico that you're gonna be fine. There's gonna be another one. And you know that you can handle it, and that builds your confidence.

The next one I have on the list of what happens after you crash out is that and this might be a little bit different, but it is a thought I had. And it's that small luxuries start to matter more than big ones. Because if you get into a new city, you have this new life. Well, suddenly, an upgraded pillowcase sounds really nice. Suddenly, a bed frame.

Oh my goodness. I cannot tell you. The joy the joy that I had making my bed frame in my room, it felt huge. It felt like a huge step, building that on my own and ordering my own new sheets and getting my own couch. And all these things sound ridiculous because, you know, I'm 28 years old.

But, again, remember, this is my first time being an adult on my own, so I get to have all these new new experiences, I guess. But I'm serious. And then, you know, you go out with a friend, and it feels like you're at, like, the height of luxury where you look out you look off of your deck with your cute little patio set that I bought with money I made from TikTok. And, yeah, you're like, this is the most luxurious thing ever, and you're drinking your coffee or whatever out there, and it's sunny, and the farmer's market is going on. And you just really learn to savor more because you know what it's like to leave everything behind.

You know what it's like to salt the ground and everything. And I don't know. There's just something really special about that because it changes your perspective so so so much. Okay. The eighth thing that happens when you crash out, when you burn the earth and wait.

When you what what is it called? Look at me. Can't even remember. When you burn the ground and salt the earth. Okay.

Number eight is you oh, I just lost my notes again. Perfect. Okay. We're almost there. I wrote down just the notes of what I was thinking about today because ten ten things are a lot of things to remember off the top of your head.

Okay. The eighth is that you are able to network in ways that you never planned because when you move to a new city or you switch jobs or you start your own business and let's say you start doing markets and whatnot, your boredom suddenly turns into meeting people who then turn into opening doors for you. And you get connected to people that you didn't even know were out there or job opportunities you didn't even know were out there. And this kinda sounds like the fourth one, which is new people enter your life. But this is more in the ways of, like, networking and business and and in that kind of way.

And then the next one, number nine, is that new friendships are able to form a lot a lot more effortlessly a lot more effortlessly. I think that that's a wrong phrase, but whatever. Because when you stop clinging to all of your old dynamics or the way that you used to do relationships that don't serve you, you will naturally start to attract new people in your life who are on the same frequency as you. And it might be at a workout class or through work or a random trip, or maybe it's at a coffee shop, and it just feels easy and exciting. Or at the gym.

Like, I've been meeting people at the gym, and it's just it feels effortless, which in my life, it has not relationships have not felt super effortless because most new relationships I would make were on the level of basically, for work. Right? That's where I was meeting most of the new people, and it was always like a recruiting thing. And that was always high stakes, and then it was keeping them happy and making sure everyone had a really good experience. So it was always what I could do for them and whatnot, which is just fine, whatever.

But it's just different when they're effortless relationships where both parties are are happy to be there, and it's easy and exciting. So, yeah, I like that one a lot. The last thing, number 10, what happens when you crash out is that you inspire others. This is the best part. When people watch you crash out and then they watch you rebuild and thrive, they're able to think, okay.

If they can do it, I can do it too. And that ripple effect is just the most important thing. And I can't even tell you how many decisions I've made in my life where or maybe decisions I've wanted to make, where I was so scared to make it. And all I needed to see all I needed to see was that somebody else was able to do it and that somebody else had done it before and had made it through and made it to the other side and had survived. That is that is community.

That is understanding. That is not feeling alone. That is a village. That is everything that I feel like I've been talking about on this podcast. It's being understood.

And when you are able to do that, you can inspire others too. So I just think that that's basically that's everything for today. No. Just kidding. We're only at, like, what, thirty minutes.

So, yeah, I just I really think that crashing out, no matter what level you're going through right now, it will be making space for other things to happen. But if you don't make space, then you're not gonna be able to live like Ferris Bueller. You know what I mean? And I think that I do want to do that. That's what I've been doing, actually.

I've been living each day YOLO. You only live once. I have no idea what I'm doing, but, hey, it's going okay. Okay. So now I'm going to read your submissions from last week.

I asked you guys for life updates, the good, the bad, fun things that are happening, bad things that have happened, just all around life updates. And then I did also get a few more entries for dating. I got a dating story and then dating or, like, solo living advice. Okay. Jumping right in.

This first one says, I do not have any advice on dating. I've been out of it for way too long. But I would say the same thing that I tell my 20 year old, go out and explore life. Go and find yourself. Find who you truly are, your very own likes, your passions.

Know that you are enough on your own, and any other person who wants to join you in your journey will recognize your value. And I think that's the sweetest thing in the world. And it kinda reminds me of the other entry we got last week that said that someone will love you for your for everything you are and everything you are not. And I think that that just basically says the same type of thing of, you know, you are enough on your own, and anyone who wants to join you can do so. And yeah.

Amen. Okay. Next one. The highlight of my life right now is eating a bowl of air popped popcorn while I watch Next Level Chef. Hell, yeah.

Again, sorry. I don't think the word hell is a swear word. Is it? I don't know. Sorry, guys.

But just know that that will be happening. Okay. I'm also turning 25 soon, so I rounded it up to being 30 for the next five years. You know what? That's great exposure therapy.

That's great. Because, you know, they always say age is just a number, and I'm here to repeat that sentiment. Age is just a number, especially when you don't really change the way that you live your life and you're still active and do fun things and have Air Pop popcorn. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Like I said before, happy birthday because you're turning 25 soon. So happy birthday. Honestly, the years between 25 and 30 have been the most must sound so cliche right now. The most transformative years of my life. So get ready.

Get ready for it and watch a lot of Next Level Chef. I've never seen that, but I'm I am interested. I'm gonna have to look it up. Okay. Next entry.

I'm in the process of starting a new business. I am so excited about it. I'm hoping it takes off officially launched a few weeks ago once I had a logo and business cards. Just waiting for my customers to find me while trying to reach people through social media. Okay.

This makes me so happy for you. I know firsthand how exciting and terrifying that those first few weeks are. When you're starting your business, you have your logo, your business cards, and Instagram and all this energy, and then comes the waiting game where you're waiting for clients and everything, but you're doing it. And you're showing up. You're putting yourself out there, and the momentum will build faster than you'll realize.

You always have to believe that the right clients will find you. And usually, it starts slow and then will pick up in ways that you couldn't have even imagined. So I I know you're probably not looking for any advice, but one thing that helped me was getting on the best best of Logan or best of Cache Valley, best in Logan. What is that Instagram page? I forget what their thing is called, but I think it's best in Logan.

Oh, I'm assuming that you're in Logan, Utah. Okay. Maybe you're not. But if you are and you have a business, that was really helpful for me when I had started my permanent makeup business. That's how I got a lot of exposure, some new followers.

At the time, I think it was, I don't know, a hundred and $75 to get posted. And then I think later, it was raised to $2.25 or $2.50. So yeah. Again, I'm assuming that you're in Logan. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, basically, I used to live in this place called Logan, Utah, and there's this Instagram page that promotes small businesses in the town or in all the cities around, I guess, all the towns around.

And they had thousands and thousands of followers. So when you would share your business, they would do a giveaway, and you give away, you know, a free service and whatnot. And you would actually get a bunch of new followers and a bunch of people out there. I think now they even have an app. So that's super cool.

Don't live there anymore. But if you do and you own a business, I definitely found that really beneficial. Then again, that was a few years ago, so I'm not really sure how they do it now. But I'm cheering you on because you're doing it. You're showing up, and it's gonna build momentum.

And keep going. Keep sharing. And I'm sharing you on over here. Okay. This next one says, I have really appreciated your posts and sharing about your divorce and your life past and present.

It's nice to be able to relate to hear from someone in a similar situation. Wish that I could ask you questions. Well, first, I want to say thank you for this message. It really does mean a lot because I still can't believe the word divorce. I still can't believe that I say that I have to say I am divorced.

It can feel so isolating and so taboo. But hearing from people like you reminds me that we never we're never really alone in these big life transitions. So I'm glad that sharing it has resonated with you. I know I haven't shared a lot, but I do wanna say, you know, you're not behind. You're not, you know, you're not crazy for feeling anything that you're feeling, and you are allowed to feel it all while you're figuring it out.

And then also ask away. I this goes for anyone. I'd love to answer any questions you have, whether it's on the podcast or just in the DMs because so much of life is trying to rebuild, is trying to make sense of things one day at a time. And just know that I'm in your corner, and you can ask me anything that you would like. Okay.

Next story. This says, to add another story to your dating stories, I was going to school and I usually sat in the same spot in each of my classes. Because of this, I got to know oh, wait. I gotta sneeze. Because of this, sorry, guys.

I got to know the people who always sat next to me. This girl and I became friends after a few months of the class we had together and became friends with the guys next to us. They were super helpful and nice, but I got the feeling they were gonna ask us both out at some point. And, eventually, one of them asked me on a group date, and the other guy brought a different girl. We went in a group of, like, eight couples and started out with bowling.

The girls kept standing to the side and wouldn't interact with the guys. The guys did not know what to do, so they stood in their own group, a ways away. Well, that's awkward. I tried to make things less awkward and get everyone to interact, but it did not work. Eventually, we went back to one of the guys' dorms, ate pizza, and then they pulled out cards against humanity.

Oh, boy. I already know where this is going. Keep in mind, the majority of the people who were on this group date were freshly off their LDS missions, so it was kind of an odd choice. I'm competitive and knew what game they picked, so I used what cards I had to be funny and try to win the game. Well, one of the cards I played said well, okay.

This might be this might trigger some people or be sacrilegious, so close your ears if so. But they go one of the cards I said I played said the blood of Jesus Christ. And as soon as I played it, everyone went quiet, and they put the game away. Then then they wanted to watch a movie in their homemade theater. Homemade theater in a guy's dorm.

Oh, boy. For some reason, I never wanna see one of those. Once again, the girls stayed in the group on one side of the room and so did the guys. I sat on the couch and tried to make conversation, but then my date sat next to me and said, we should watch a scary movie. He then pulled me in and said, so I can hold you and protect you when you get scared.

I just about threw up in my mouth. I quickly told him, whoops. I live at home still, and looks like I picked curfew. So we got in his car and he drove me home. On the way home, somehow, it came up that I was no longer a member of the LDS church, and it turned into him trying to bring me back to the church with him bearing his testimony to me.

Then he walked me to the door and tried to kiss me, but I swerved him. It's safe to say we did not interact at class after that. The funny part is shortly after he left oh, shortly after, he left the church and got engaged to another eczema within a few months. Wow. There's so much to unpack in that story.

But with the cards against humanity, yeah, bold move. Honestly, you were just playing by the rules. And if they had that game and they didn't wanna use that card, they should take the card out. There's a few crazy things in there. Even some sometimes I even am kinda like, okay.

Like, I'm not trying to make jokes about this. Some things are insane, and that's why I don't like these games anymore, especially when you don't know the people. Because the way that you win is not by being the funniest. It's by knowing the group of people the best and playing to their humor. So you could be the funniest person in the room, but if you're not playing to somebody else's humor and their friend is, you're never gonna win.

So I don't know. It's it's a difficult it's a difficult thing to do those apples to apples or cars against humanity. Those are the same type of things. Right? Not sure.

Okay. And then also way to swerve him. I'm glad. And then also way to swerve, the cuddling. It's it's so high school.

Let's play a scary movie so I can hold you and protect you when you get scared. Oh my goodness. It's so high school. Okay. This is the next and final submission.

Recently, I've struggled with self esteem and my overall body image. I started a more elevated fitness journey a year ago because I wanted to feel and, let's be honest, look like a superwoman. And then in parentheses, that lean and toned girl. I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't know how big of a mental game it would be. After almost a year with a personal trainer, I found myself overworked and burnt out.

I have picked myself apart in every area and been comparing myself to other women and their physiques. Trying to find that healthy balance of routine, rest, and trusting the process has also been tricky. Rome was not built in a day, but social media makes it look like it can be built in six weeks. Now I'm focused on doing the best I can each week and finding what makes me feel accomplished rather than burnt out. I am trying to trust that I will arrive at my goal with consistency and giving myself the love and grace that's essential to flourish.

Thank you for your podcast. It has given me another resource for advice and other avenues of looking at my mental and overall health along with making my week. Wow. Well, thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it.

And I just wanna I just want you to know how hard it is, to be honest about these struggles, especially when it feels like everyone online makes balance and fitness transformations look so easy and so effortless. So what I love is that you're shifting your focus towards what makes you feel accomplished rather than just checking boxes. That's always such an important pivot to make. And you're right. Rome was not built in a day.

Those six weeks transformation posts never show the full mental battle behind the scenes because you're doing exactly what you should be, staying consistent, resting when you need to, and giving yourself grace. One thing that's really important to keep in mind is you don't know someone's full story with six week transformations. Let's say you put me at my, bulking stage next to somebody who is the same weight as me but has never lifted weights. So with that definition, muscle weighs more than fat. So I'm going to have more muscle than them.

Right? Because I've been building muscle, and they're gonna have more fat than me. So if we're both doing a six week challenge and we both lose even if we both lose the same amount of fat, our physiques will look completely different because I have a base of muscle, and they do not. So I will be filled out in those different areas, and they will not. So you do have to keep in mind that when you do see six week transformations, someone could have been doing a bulk before that.

So they're obviously gonna look more, quote, unquote, toned because a toned look means that you've built muscle, which is why I always tell people to or I kind of urge people to do a bulk before they do a cut because then you have some muscle that you can have underneath and be able to enjoy if that's what if that if that's the look that that you're going for, of course. Okay. And then I'm gonna respond to that last part. I just wanna tell you, you already are a superwoman and not because of how you look, but because you keep showing up for yourself. You're doing amazing, and I'm always so happy to hear when the podcast has been a part of your guys' journeys.

I do love hearing feedback, and it was really nice to get your guys' feedback in in those entries. So thank you. And I just wanna tell you to keep going with lots of love and patience and trust in yourself and to also unfollow anybody that makes you feel maybe a little bit insecure at this point or people that you feel like you're comparing yourself to. I'm talking fitness influencers, all all of the all the things. Okay?

Transformation posts, all those things because what's most important is your mental health. So take care of that. Alright, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I just wanted to tell you in case no one has yet today, you are allowed to start over.

You're allowed to burn the ground, salt the earth, crash out, baby, and to build everything from scratch. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to stop trying to fix what's already broken and choose to begin something new. And you kind of have to ask yourself in these situations, what are you holding on to out of fear and not love? Because are you holding on to this situation or job or whatever out of love, or is it fear? What version of you are you clinging to just because it's familiar?

It's scary. It's scary to crash out, but on the other side is space. Lots and lots of space. Space to breathe, space for new ideas, space to be alone, new people, new opportunities, and a version of life that actually feels like your life. So if you've been waiting for a sign to have a level one, two, or three crash out, this is it.

You do not have to keep carrying everything you've been carrying just because you're used to it. Okay? Fresh starts, what I've learned, are not a failure. It's a it's freedom. And I hope that this little episode gives you some permission to choose yourself today and this weekend and moving forward.

Because when you fill your cup, it allows you to fill others. And community is obviously important over everything, but you cannot choose a good community if you've never chosen yourself because then you don't know who you are. And if you don't know who you are, you can't know who you want or what you what you need. Okay? Well, okay.

That's everything for today. I'm gonna let you guys go. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Unrelatable podcast. Please leave me a review and share the pod. You are the best, and I will talk to you next time.

Bye.