Finding Your Soulmate After Heartbreak

How many heartbreaks did you go through until you met the love of your life? You submitted your stories in response to this question and I will also share my experience on the matter. There is lots of love to go around, hope you enjoy <3

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Transcript

Hi. Hello, and welcome back to the Unrelatable podcast. I'm your host, Hannah Felt. And finally, the voice is better. So thank you if you have been pulling through my last 4, 5 episodes with my scratchy voice.

I am happy to say I am back. I am better. Well, I'm not back yet, technically. I am prerecording this episode because I just love you guys so much. I did not want you to go without one.

Well, what are we going to be talking about today? Well, I had you guys submit a a story. And what was the story? Well, if you read the title, you're going to have some idea. But essentially, it is how many heartbreaks have you gone through until you met the love of your life?

And so we have some really good story submissions here, and I'm really excited to talk about it. I'm gonna share with you my story, your guys' stories. And then, of course, you guys know that I love the Ask Women Reddit page, and so I'll be sharing stories from there just kind of mixed in with your guys'. So with that, I just want to say welcome back to the Unrelatable podcast. Now my husband was my very first boyfriend.

And so, okay, Hannah, where can you speak on this? With this situation, if you have only had one boyfriend. Well, I did have kind of a more situationship in my life. And, of course, it ended badly, which I am actually very grateful for because I feel like a lot of us have to go through the experience of being treated like absolute crap in order to be able to recognize somebody when they come into your life being a very good person. Does that make sense?

Wow, I could have said that in a lot easier way so that you can understand that. But essentially, I, at the ripe age of 15, I I wrote off marriage. I said, I'm never getting married. I am not interested. I will not be having a family.

I will not be participating. Will I date? Sure. Of course, but I am immune to love. Of course, this is because my parents got divorced.

And so that probably sounds very familiar. If you have also if you're also a product of divorce, essentially. And so, of course, I entered I entered high school, not ready for the craziness that is guys and their hormones. And so when I entered high school, I essentially how do I even say how this happened? Okay.

I got introduced to this guy. He was much older than me. I was 15 and he was 17. I'm so sorry, but there's a lot of life experience that is accumulated within those 2 years. And so I almost feel like our parents were right when they said, don't date till you're 16.

And so I technically always had this out there where I was like, no, I don't date till I'm 16. I'm not gonna kiss anyone till I'm 16. And I held on to that. I didn't kiss anybody till I was 16. Did I kiss 5 guys between ages 1616 and a half when I then started dating Kaden?

Yes, but that doesn't matter. No, it is seriously wild because I had this experience that was essentially this older guy juggling 3 different girls is essentially what happened. And he would keep all of us just one text away just so easily manipulated as to where when I liked him, first of all, it was really weird because he liked me a lot when I was 15. And I just kept saying, I'm not gonna date till I'm 16. I'm not gonna date till I'm 16.

So we would hang out, but he would I don't even wanna say respect the boundaries because he was always poking and prodding and challenging. Does that make sense? And then all respect all respect ended when I turned 16. And so this guy gets the respect word doesn't belong next to his name, essentially. And so what happened was he lost interest in me, of course, because I wouldn't put out when I was, you know, at the ripe age of 15 years old because I said, no, I am not dating till I'm 16.

And so these other 2 girls that he would kind of keep on the string as well. He would just rotate. And then when, of course, I turned 16, I was out there. I was dating. I was hanging out with guys.

Well, unfortunately for me, he became that guy where I just really liked. What was it? I don't know. I do not know. I seriously don't know.

I think it was the the energy that was given off was very, you're too good for me kind of vibes from him. Like, you're a good girl. I'm a bad so stupidest crap. But it was literally like that. And it became a very, very toxic situation where we would go on drives a lot.

We talk all the time, listen to music, all these things. But he would say, oh, my gosh. I am saying this. He would say things like, yeah, right now, like, you're my number 1 Hannah, and girl number 2 is number 2. Girl number 3 is number 3.

Literally telling me the names, and I already knew who they were, but would literally say these things. Like, yeah. Girl number 3, she just like, I don't like this about her and this about her. And girl number 2, she's just, like, the very opposite. But you are just the perfect the perfect, I don't know, mix?

The perfect difference? The perfect one out of everyone. And it was so manipulative. And then he would be on and off with the with this other girl who was, you know, in the top three at one point, and then would come back to me. And then I would, you know, a week later, see him posting pictures with this other person.

And finally, I just decided, why am I letting you walk all over me? First of all, he crossed boundaries that were drawn, firm boundaries in the sand that were drawn. And then even though I stopped liking him, that was almost it just like it was a weird flipping switch of the brain where it was like now suddenly he was back at it. Right? Back at the game of trying to pick me up.

And I this is ridiculous. But he got into another serious relationship later on in time. They've been together for a while, and I was going to the Wonderful Planet Fitness, and, unfortunately, would see him constantly. And I always minded my own business. I wouldn't, you know, make eye contact or do anything wild, like, even want to say hi or anything, which would be wild of me.

Because at this time, I fully recognized the insane inappropriate behaviors and crossing of boundaries that happened, and I was in my brain like that wasn't okay. You shouldn't have done this. I really dislike you as a human being. Essentially, it's kind of what it turned out to be. And, hey, you didn't only play me, you played all these other women, and you're just not a great person.

I don't like you. Well, one day, I'm walking to the drinking fountain, and who starts walking towards me? It's them. And they start talking and holding out their phone to me, and I'm like, I take off my headphones. I make a big show out of it.

Like, what? And they say, guess what I'm listening to? They show me their phone, and it's the song that we had as quote unquote our song back when we were a situationship when I was, you know, almost 16. And I just looked at him and shook my head, put my headphones back on, and walked away. I, again, had been with Caden for 3 years at this point.

I might have even been married. I don't remember. I don't remember if I was married or if I'd been with Kaden for at least 3 years at this time. Me and this dude haven't talked in years, but that is the type of crap that he would randomly do. And he randomly send messages on Facebook like, hey.

Look at these quiz results. Remember when you could take remember when you could take quizzes on Facebook and it would match you up with people based on your personality or the answers to quizzes and stuff? Man, I was a ho for those quizzes. I loved a good Facebook quiz. I don't know what it was.

50% of you are not even gonna know what I'm talking about, but he would send me his his quiz results whenever we ended up being matched. And I would just see the message and think in my head, what are you doing? I am in this committed relationship. So I I never responded, which is the funniest part about it all. And eventually, he stopped, but it was just very strange situation and it just that was that was a situation.

And I will will never probably get into the details of why ended up being so toxic. Because it's just not something that needs to be on my podcast. But it was something that was extremely toxic. And at this point, it's time to share your guys' heartbreaks. Because sometimes you gotta go through it.

Sometimes you gotta go through it to meet the love of your life. Okay. So let's jump right into this. This one says, I had one heartbreak, except for I got back with him and married him. We we recently hit our 10 year anniversary, and I'm so glad that I went back.

When I broke up with him, I regretted it with my whole being within 10 minutes. It took us a few months to get back on the same page, help our communications, then we got married quickly. Best decision ever. Okay. I'm wondering if these guys are high school sweethearts because all high school sweethearts have broken up for at least 3 days in the relationship.

There's just if you're a high school sweetheart and you never broke up even one time, send me a message. I have to know. Because one time, Kaden and I broke up. Let me just tell you what happened following the days that he broke up with me, by the way, over text. After 3 years, he sends me a text, breaks up with me.

I was heartbroken, obviously. And I actually didn't think it was real until my my brother called me and then my dad called me And they were both like, Kaden called us to tell us that he's gonna miss us and all these things. And I was just like, what are you talking about? Is this real? And then, of course, you know, 3 days later, Kaden's at my doorstep.

Sorry, baby. I'm exposing you a little bit on here. That's okay. He was on my doorstep 3 days later saying it was a massive mistake, blah blah blah. And I was a little Elizel.

I was a little bit hesitant because I thought how could you just send me a text like that and break up with me? That's not very cool. So now it's my turn to keep you on your toes. No, I'm just kidding. I didn't have any sort of any sort of thing in my head to do anything like that.

But I was just truly heartbroken. I was hurt. I was confused. I didn't understand why. And so literally, when did this happen?

When did he break up with me? Well, of course, it was peak week of my very first bodybuilding show. Okay, Hannah, what is peak week? Well, peak week is the very last 7 days leading up to your bodybuilding show. And this is a time when bodybuilders infamously will cut water slowly, they will slow down their workouts.

And, essentially, you want your body, which I don't cut water anymore. That used to be a big thing where people would stop drinking water and, you know, because you didn't wanna hold on to water weight getting up on stage. You wanted your body to essentially show up on stage the in its most peak form. That's why it's called peak week. So you slow down your training.

You only train, you know, maybe for 45 minutes a few times that week. You don't want to be sore because if you're sore, your muscles are going to be inflamed, so they're not going to look as cut, if that makes sense. And so you really want to reduce your stress this week. You don't want anything stressful. You don't want to have too many steps.

You know, you could stick with your 10 k steps a day. You don't wanna have too many steps though. You don't wanna have anything out of the ordinary for your food. You want to keep your gut eating the same type of foods to not have any sort of bloating or anything. Okay.

You're picking up when I'm putting down. Right? Well, Kayden breaks up with me the day of peak week. So that was extremely stressful for about, you know, three and a half, four days. Then he comes to my doorstep at the factory by Utah State University.

That was where I was living at the time. And he said, Hannah, I made a mistake. I had this one perspective in my mind, but I see now that this was just not the way that it is. And I just really want to get back together. I don't really remember essentially exactly what was said.

But, again, I was hesitant because I just didn't it didn't make sense to me to begin with, and I was really hurt. And so I said, I don't know. I don't know what I wanna do. I don't know about this. And he said, well, can you please let me support you on the day of your bodybuilding show?

And I said, yeah, you can, I guess? But he had supported me, you know, most of the essentially, the whole prep. And so I said, yeah. Yeah. You can come.

And so, of course, we drive there separate because I go up the day before because you have to get your spray tan. You don't really wanna be driving for hours upon hours the day of your show, and it was an hour and 15 minutes from where I was living. And so he goes to my show. We're all happy. He takes me to eat my cheat meal, or I guess my end of prep meal, which was of course, In N Out at the time.

And we're driving home. We get through we're driving from Salt Lake City to Logan, Utah. I don't know if anyone knows these places. Some of you guys will. Essentially, it's an hour and 15 minutes away.

And at the very tail end of it, the last, I'd say 30 minutes is through a canyon. And this canyon is very dark, and it's a little bit of a casual drive. I wouldn't say actually, there are quite a bit of twists and turns in the canyon, I guess. Well, we had been talking on the phone the whole time after my show, after I mean, after we went and got food. Right?

We get on the phone and we talk because it's very late. I'd I'd say it's 1 AM. I am exhausted. I've been up since, you know, 4 AM the day before. And so we're driving home.

We get out of this canyon called Sardine Canyon, and we had to hang up because in Sardine Canyon, we didn't have service. So we haven't talked for about, I don't know, 15 ish minutes driving through this canyon. We get out of the canyon, and I think in my head, I'm like, should I call him back? I don't know. We're almost back to my place.

Maybe we'll just talk then. I don't call him. And about 5 minutes after exiting the canyon, he crashes. I see in my rearview mirror, his car. It's like his headlights were up in the air or something.

And it was so terrifying. I pull over and I flip, and I can't even I'm, like, getting, like I'm, like, sweating thinking about this. I pull over, and I run across the freeway. And, essentially, what happened is I had seen his lights in my rearview mirror, like, up in the air or something. He hits this pole.

First of all, he goes across 3 lanes of traffic, 2 head on lanes of traffic and one going in the same direction. He goes across all 3. He hits a pole that falls down on a parked car, a van and smashes it in half. And then he crashes into this front yard, stopping literally 10 feet from the front door of this home. Well, what had happened?

He fell asleep while driving. And we are so lucky that nobody got hurt. Obviously, I run up to the car freaking out. He just opens the door. He gets out, and he's like, Hannah, what happened?

He was asleep the whole time. He didn't have a scratch on him. If he would have been awake, he would have applied pressure trying to keep himself in the seat. Maybe he would have put his hands up above him. I don't know.

In any case, he would have actually been injured. And luckily, this was a new car. I think it only had 2,000 miles on it because, of course, he had completed his first summer of summer sales and bought a new car. And it got totaled. But because it has such low mileage, because it was so new, he got all the money back.

Anyways, that doesn't really matter. Essentially, the point to me telling you this is that is when I realized that I didn't want to live without him. I thought, oh, my gosh, if he would have died, I would have been heartbroken. And that was the moment when I realized, okay, this is us. This is us forever.

And we're doing this. And yes, I never want to be without you again. And so that was kind of my that's kind of my story of how we did break up for, you know, 3 or 4 days. But we got back together. And so, yeah, I don't know.

I know it was a little bit of a rant. But let's go on to the next submission. Okay, so this one is a nice and long one. Get buckled in. Okay.

So she says, I had 2 serious high school boyfriends, 2 serious college boyfriends, 1 horrible ex fiance, and then I met my husband, and I couldn't be more grateful. He is my perfect match. Yes. This is that's not the long one that I was referring to. The long one is oh, wait.

Yes. This is. Okay. Okay. Sorry.

This is all the same response. So I'm going to continue. Alright. Sorry about that, everybody. Moving on.

She then goes to say, I had a boyfriend in college that was incredibly toxic. He had subs okay. Trigger warning. Trigger warning for everything. He had substance abuse issues and would torment me when he was on drugs or drinking.

And I don't mean a little weed. I mean, hard drugs mixed with party drugs. He would scream, get in my face, blackmail, block, threaten to cheat. I had no proof that he ever did, but wouldn't be shocked at all if he did. We went back and forth like this for 5 years.

I ended up doing things that I regret too. I became mean and would scream and block right back. I also started to take drugs and drink a lot myself. I almost lost my scholarships. Toxicity and fear changes a person.

It makes you do things you never thought that you would do. I am so glad I'm out of that situation. Even now that I'm married, I still think about him often. It's extremely hard to think that we won't be that we won't ever be together again, not that I want to, because it is such because it became such a habit to return to this abusive situation. I then had a boyfriend who was pretty religious.

And when he broke up with me, he told me that he knew I wasn't his eternal companion, but that he still wanted to go on dates until he found her. He also said there is good, better and best, and you're just good. Even my therapist's drop jaw dropped when I told him that. Oh, my gosh, no, literally, I'm having actual flashbacks to to my, own situationship, good, better and best. The fact that we as women, you just get weirdly and I know not everyone is like this, but you can get so weirdly conditioned where you think so highly of someone's opinion that when they tell you these things, when they tell you, oh, Hannah, I like you because you were the most this is something that they would say to me.

Hannah, you are the most physically active, you care about being active, and you have the perfect color of hair. It's just a mix between the two of theirs. Oh, oh, I literally wanna throw up. How do we not see that? It's just like we have these blinders on.

It's just it's crazy because you just become conditioned to it. And it actually just kept on confirming myself to not eat, which was my issue in high school. And the fact that this person just kept telling me that I just looked so good, and I was a perfect size and all these things, while I was essentially starving myself. So that's really great. Okay.

Sorry. Just relating to this person's experience. Okay. Let's continue on with your story. So then she goes on to say, Even my therapist's jaw dropped when I told him that.

I then had a fiance, let's call him Tyler, that had a full blown affair with another woman, we will call her Heather, while we were engaged. We lived together, and he never ever, ever wanted to have sex with me or spend time with me. He even denied me on my birthday. Little did I know that the reason he was getting it little did I know that the reason was that he was getting it from someone else, from Heather who lived downstairs with her fiance. We'll call him Jake.

He asked for the rein back only 3 months after he proposed and never had the balls to tell me why. Well, I went to dinner with Jake after Heather dumped him to officially be with Tyler. Jake is the one who ended up filling me in on all of the details of the situation. I was really messed up inside for a long time. The only thing that helped me to handle this is the fact that if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

Oh, my gosh. That is extremely true. Says Karma is a biatch and clearly so was he. Oh, my gosh. Well, you know what?

I am extremely relieved that you have found your man, because she did say in the beginning. Then I met my husband and I couldn't be more grateful. He's my perfect match. Oh, my gosh. It's just like a roller coaster of experiences.

I couldn't I couldn't even imagine. Is that okay. Is that not a good response? Is that a bad way to validate someone? I don't know.

All I'm saying is having a fiance that cheats on you could not even imagine, and I'm so sorry that happened. That's just like the crappiest situation. Okay. Moving on to this one. I had a boyfriend that I love so much that broke up with me because his patriarchal blessing told him to marry someone teachable.

And I apparently wasn't. Oh, my gosh. You know what? You just can't be humble. Come on.

You just can't be humble. And then you'll filter through these guys. Okay? Stay strong out there. That is it just sounds like such a typical thing to say.

It sounds so typical. You know how many people I've met that got married to their husband because he went to the temple and said that they needed to get married? Yeah, a lot of people and I'd say about 50% of them have actually worked out. I just remember being in seminary and the seminary teacher oh, this was the story. It was always this.

It was, I met her on a Thursday. We were engaged by Sunday night, and we've been together for 20 years. So of course, you would think that it's supposed to work out, right? Of course, you would. We can't we can literally not fall anybody.

Okay. This next one says Okay, wait. Okay, here it is. I would say I had 2 heartbreaks out of the 5 total serious relationships. I had a boyfriend in high school, and the first relationship hit me really hard.

The others were just disappointing but not gut wrenching. I feel you, sista. I feel you. Okay. Next one says, I had 2 heartbreaks before finding the love of my life.

My high school boyfriend in a toxic situation during college met my partner 2 years after graduating. See, this is what I'm saying. There's so many toxic situations that happen. How can we avoid this? Is there a way?

Is there a way to avoid it? Because I don't want any of my siblings to go through this, and it just makes me terrified that it is an option, that there is a walking, talking POS out there that might end up being okay. I'm not even gonna put that out there. I'm not even gonna put it out there that there are toxic guys, and that I have 3 sisters out there That I have 3 sisters out there. You guys that have sisters, you feel me.

Even my brother. I'm like, stay safe. You've just gotta stay safe. Okay. Moving on to the next one.

I had 2 long term relationships and one short term. And although I've been the one to break up with them, each time I was heartbroken. The first one, I got over pretty quickly. But as I got older, it became tougher and hurt more. After that was a series of online dating and getting rejected and rejecting without rhyme or reason until I found my person who was initially one of my friends.

Okay. We all love a friends to lovers trope. Okay, loving that. I really feel like the older that we get, the reason why it becomes tougher and it hurts more is because there's a lot more buy in. And it's almost like the older you get, you learn who you are more and more, right?

Because you make more mistakes. And you try new things, you realize what you like, what you don't like. And so then when you're sharing those things with somebody, and it gets rejected, it's just not I don't know. I feel like it's the same kind of thing with friendship when you're trying to make friends, or you make friends and you give so much to the relationship. And you share so many things because the older you get, the more life experiences you have.

The more times you fail, the more times you just have these experiences to share. And so then when you become open and vulnerable, and then they deny you, I don't know, man. It's just hard. It's just hard, and I feel like we're not talking about friendship breakups on this episode necessarily, I guess. This is more, you know, obviously romantic, But friendship breakups are just as hard, if not harder because oh, my gosh.

Just like women and supporting women. I know that we had a whole we've had multiple episodes about being supportive and the amount of support that we can give each other as women. And it's just sucky when it doesn't end up working out. Okay. This next one says, my heart was broken for the first and last time when I was a junior in high school.

After that, I was the one breaking hearts. Alright, I love that for you. I am 100% here for it. The next one says, I don't remember. He makes me forget all the bad ones I've ever had, or that anyone ever came before him.

Oh, my gosh, tears are being shed. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard. And I love that for you. Alright, this next one says, I've had 2 relationships but many situationships and I got to the point where I was over men and I had to quit messing around. Shortly after that, I met him.

I'm assuming him is your forever your forever person. So congratulations. I think it's true. I think that it's a lot easier to get hurt when you're I don't know, actually. I guess I can't really speak on this because, like I said, I've only had one significant man in my life, and he is still in my life.

And so I've never had the experience of necessarily messing around, which is neither a positive or a negative thing. It's just what it is. And so it's hard for me to say, okay, Does messing around leave you heartbroken because you're not being fulfilled, like, with the desires of your heart, which is love? Or is it keeping you from being heartbroken because there's boundaries in the sand? I don't know.

Reach out to me because I wanna know these things. Okay? Alright, this next one. I've been through a failed engagement, 2 relationships and a handful of crappy situationships before I found my boyfriend who treats me like a princess. I have finally found my man.

You know what? Every every person every person should be treated like a princess. Okay? Don't be finding toads out there. Don't be finding toads and wishing them to be cute frog prints.

Okay? Hannah, what are you saying? I don't know. But you can't change a toad into a frog. And so be mindful of that.

Alright, we're not in the business of building a man. We are not in the business of building a man. Know that when you are dating people. Not me giving dating advice. I have no I have no degree.

I have no stance on which I should do that. But there we are. Alright, this one says, I had one heartbreak where I was dating a guy. The second was where I loved him and wanted to date, but he didn't like me that way. Wait, I'm having a hard time understanding this.

One where I was dating the guy. The second was where I loved him and wanted to date, but he didn't like me that way. Okay. This next one says, my partner slash future husband is my first serious relationship. I dated people beforehand, but nothing lasted longer than a few months.

Alright? Love that for you. And honestly, it's better for it to not last more than a few months. Because if it does, then it's just a greater waste of your time. Right?

I guess not necessarily because there's a lesson in everything. I don't mean to be so freaking corny. Okay. This next one, none. We met when we were 18, and I've been together the whole time.

We're now 31. See, that is so cute. That is so cute. And that's why sometimes it's worth it to protect yourself. You know, I know that there's a lot of women out here that are feeling not amazing because they still haven't found the love of their life.

It is okay. It is better to have much higher standards than to have extremely low standards and then be stuck with somebody that you don't even like. Okay? You will find the one when you're meant to. You will.

If you want it, you know, you also don't have to. If you're trying to live single, I am also here for that. Okay, this next one says, I have had 1.5 heartbreaks. The first one was the one that absolutely blindsided and destroyed me. The 0.5 I love that we're getting him giving him a 0.5.

The 0.5 was a guy I was in a situationship with. It hurt pretty bad at the time, not as bad as the first one. And looking back, I don't think the impact was as huge as I thought it was at the time. You know, that is such a good perspective to have because I feel like, I mean, I've had I had tons of crushes over the years. Right?

Of course, we do. In middle school, in junior high, in 8th grade, in 9th grade. And a lot of the times we have our heart set because we see the person and they are everything we could have ever imagined. Right? And we just create this whole experience in our mind of where you work out perfectly together and he is the one and it's going to be the one.

But I feel like half the time, the heartbreak is just in the expectations that we had out of it and not necessarily the investment into the person. Not always and maybe not half the time. But I feel like with crushes, right? When it's when it's a crush and you are heartbroken because they don't actually like you and they like your friend and whatever else. Well, a few months later, you wake up and you think, wait a second, it's been weeks since I've thought of that person.

And you get over it and you're able to move forward and move on. So I'm just glad. I'm glad that that one didn't work out for you, I would say. Okay. So this next one says, I had 3 long term under 2 year long relationships and several oh, wait, not under 2 years, over 2 years.

Okay. I had 3 long term over 2 year relationships and several shorter term ones. Many, many dates and lovers, some unrequited feelings. Some of those ended in heartbreak. Some were amicable, some heartbreak only on their side or only on mine.

Yeah. I feel like the worst heartbreaks are the ones where you're both heartbroken because you just couldn't figure out a way to make it work, whether it's the timing or the family situation. Maybe there's an issue with your families, and they're not, you know, they they just don't combine and they don't mesh or you just can't mesh with their family or timing. You know, maybe it's a job opportunity or I don't know. It's just I feel like those are the those are the really sad ones when it's just like wrong timing.

I don't know. Ugh. What books are you guys reading right now, by the way? I want I want a good I want a good rom com. I want a good romance.

I want a good enemies to lovers because 4th wing is over. Obviously, we've read 4th wing, we've read Iron Flame. We finished Throne of Glass. Oh, my gosh, I didn't update you guys about that. I finished Throne of Glass.

For those of you that don't know, it is by Sarah J. Maas. And if you are online at all, you know who Sarah J. Maas is. She has essentially made it so that people that don't read books, I guess women that don't read books or haven't read books in a long time, can comfortably enter the world of reading again.

And she has made it possible through A Court of Thorns and Roses and through the Throne of Glass series. Anyways, the Throne of Glass series, I think what is it 7 books, 8 books, but I am heartbroken. I am so sad that it's over. I feel connection to these characters that I cannot explain. And if you know, you know, and if you have any recommendations for me, I would love them.

Okay, we're gonna go ahead and move on to the last one. This one says, I definitely didn't shy away from life and love in my teens twenties. I still don't in my thirties, but I'm really set on my current partner being it for me, the person I'll marry and who will be a constant in my life. We are in love, but even more than that, we actually like and support each other in all things. I know that I can grow and change into anything.

And he'll be along for the ride and vice versa. Vice versa, vice versa. How do you say that? Let me know. That's what really prevented all of my other relationships from working out.

And mic drop, first of all, is that also is that a saying for millennials? Let me know because I feel like I say that way too often. And I actually don't hear anybody else. But 100%, I love that. And I feel like they got that right on the dot.

In order to have a successful relationship of really any kind, you know, if we take a step away from your your partner and your spouse, your lover, your man, your girl, when you take a step away and look at the whole picture, When you're looking at friends, when you're looking at siblings, you have to be able to like and support each other through every single phase in life, and to be supportive of each other growing and and changing. And obviously, there are parameters to every relationship and there are boundaries to every relationship. But I can't even tell you how different Caden and I are from when we first started dating. I remember one time Caden and I were having a conversation. And I think it was actually like, a argument at some point.

And we I think I was I don't know, we weren't married yet. That's all I remember. And he was saying something like, you've just changed so much. You're not the 16 year old Hannah that I started dating. And this was because I had kind of grown hyper independent.

And I told him, I said, well, I'm not the same person. I'm not 16 year old Hannah that you started dating, and neither are you. And I love you through your changes and through your growth. And that was a big time for us to be able to look and see how we are literally changing in real time. And I'm not even who I was when I was 19, of course, when we got married.

I'm not who I was 3 years ago. And honestly, I don't want to be because my worldview when I was 16 was so small. My worldview when I was 19 was so maybe not small. Maybe small is not the right answer. And I don't want to call myself naive either because I do believe that I was more mature than I than I originally had to be if I was just a normal 19 year old just because of life experiences.

Right? But it's almost as if you just learn more. You just learn more and you get more wisdom as you get older and you have even more life experiences. And hindsight is 2020. Right?

Is that the quote? And it can be so hard to look back and to think, oh, if only we would have the same perspectives as we did back then, like, that would be so much easier. But if you allow yourselves to grow, and you allow yourselves to become who you're meant to be, and you support each other in that, it's just really cool. You know what I mean? I am glad that Kaden and I have very different perspectives on so many different things because I in turn get to learn a lot from him.

And same with him. Oh, my gosh, the amount of things that we disagree on in this world is a lot but that doesn't matter because we both hold space for each other's opinions. We both are able to take a look at the ways that we've changed and the ways that we've grown. And at the end of the day, it has been together and we have grown together and stayed on the same scale. And sometimes, you know what, sometimes that doesn't happen when you're young.

And I feel like when when you're young, I remember getting some backlash when we got married so young and people would say, Oh, just be ready. Everyone that gets married super young gets divorced. And if I'm gonna be honest, I don't think that's the worst thing that can happen. I don't think divorce is the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing that can happen is staying with somebody that doesn't truly love and support you for who you are and doesn't provide a space, for love to be plentiful and doesn't allow a space for growth to happen.

I think that is worse than divorce. And, of course, it doesn't actually matter what age you're gonna get married because guess what? You're you're also gonna change from age 30 to age 40. So what are you supposed to do, wait till you're 40 to get married? Well, I bet you you're gonna change a lot, the years of 40 50.

And so it's just a gamble. It's a gamble no matter what. And that's honestly why the commitment is so special and so important. And, you know, it's just something where you, you know, it's a gamble. Everything in life is a gamble though.

No matter what you believe in, what you do with your life, the way that you spend your time, we're we're all gambling with time. And wow. Sorry, philosopher Hannah, can you can you go back over there and take a seat in that chair? Because I think that we're not interested. Okay.

Sorry for that. But it's true. Right? It's true. And I feel like sometimes you just have to go through those heartbreaks to meet the person that you are meant to support through their change in life, to be the person that they support when you feel like your world is crumbling.

You know, whether it's every other month or every other year or once every few years, It's special and it's important to be able to support each other. And, of course, this goes for friends. This goes for siblings. You know, my siblings and I were not very I'm not gonna say we weren't very close. I would say I was I always loved my siblings growing up.

I would say more so my brother and I were just butt heads so much growing up where as to where when my parents said they're gonna get divorced. Oh, my gosh. From that point forward, we all just stuck together. And it was no more us versus each other. It was kind of like us versus our parents.

And not in a way that's like the siblings versus the parents. But now our parents weren't necessarily the people that could protect us from the world because suddenly our world was turned upside down because of the divorce. You see what I'm saying? That's kind of the terms in which I'm trying to explain this. And it kinda took took us to the point of, oh my gosh.

We don't have this system of 2 parents in the home anymore. So now we're going to support each other. And so we did. And in all the ways that all of my siblings and I have changed and grown and made different decisions, No matter what, we always go down to or come back to supporting each other and to being there for each other. And, of course, there's boundaries through that.

But I don't know. There's just something really special about long term relationships, long term friendships because I think that it shows a lot of growth, and it shows a lot of love. And I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say unconditional love because I do believe that there are conditions for love. I do believe that there are boundaries. But it when you meet that person, it's special.

And again, I'm actually going to be doing a podcast episode about the dating revolution and about celibacy in 2024 and the best and worst dating stories through apps, and about how women are reclaiming back their power of not having to be in relationships to be fulfilled and to live a good life. And so if I just I just want it to be clear that I'm that this episode is not all about, hey, the only the only way that you're gonna be happy and lead a fulfilled life is with a partner. That is not at all what this episode is about. It's more just about celebrating, yeah, how many how many heartbreaks you had to go through to meet the love of your life and celebrating getting there. But if you don't relate to that, guess what?

That is just fine because this looks different to everyone. And I'm excited to talk about the best and worst dating stories and kind of about Bumble and the way that they are marketing their ads because it's just it's a little bit crazy. And we are going to talk about that in my next episode. So don't worry, my single my single people, we've got an episode also coming out for you guys because there is so much love to go around for everybody. Okay?

Well, I am done being corny now. I don't know how to turn it off. I don't know if I ever will. So thank you for being a part of it. I really appreciate you guys.

I really appreciate everything you guys do, the support of the podcast, and I will talk to you guys so very soon. Thank you so much for listening to the Unrelatable podcast and I'll see you later. Byeeeeeee